The Submissive is in Charge

It is true before the two meet the Submissive is the one in control, the ball is in there court. Now the trick here is how the Submissive plays ball.

Many Dominants in the beginning with play the big Dominant card. On your knees bitch card I call it. I know when I was younger I did the same thing. All to many times the submissive will fall for it, everything they had planned or wanted to say just flew out the door.

Okay you meet on a social site ALT.com yea I know a joke anyway. You start to chat , getting to know each other . Send me a pic , this is one of the first , why send a pic the dom has seen your profile pictures , it is always a good idea to put up several. Pictures that are normal dressed . It really kills me when a female submissive or slave exploits there bodies to try and attract dominants. I would think you would want a Master who is going to like you for you , not what you look like nude.

Remember you are in charge from the start you decide where the conversation goes , you decide everything. You decide when and only when to address the dominant as Sir, remember the dom has to earn your respect.

If a dominant is really trying to get to know you , it should take some time for the subject of sex to come up. The two of you are trying to get to know each other , as a person . Foods , music, your daily activities ,if you start out talking about sex , then that is all you have in common , this relationship will surely fail, it is doomed.

Talking on the phone , it is up to the submissive when this happens as well, remember you are the one in control. It is the submissive who decides when this conversation is going to take place. Once the calls start never let it lead to phone sex. If you are a sub or slave who happens to get off on such play, then let it be you and only you that allows it to go that way.

Web cams are awesome, a great tool for communication , but if your talking to a prospective dom , why would you want to stand and strip , is this how you want to portray yourself. Again the two are trying to get to know each other, as a person. You are in total control , until you say yes.

It should take sometime to start getting into the lifestyle , okay so you have found out in general you are pretty compatible , you like each other. Now comes the fun part BDSM . This part is very important.

First and for most the submissive or slave , should make a list. This list has two categories. What you want out of a Master and what you do not want out of a Master. What your likes are, your dislikes. What you do not like , but will do to please , finely your hard limits.

When the two decide to meet , you do not let the dom tell you what to wear, you wear what you feel comfortable , you are still in control. You pick the place to meet, again where you feel comfortable.

On your first meet , never agree to a session on the first date,why? This is all he is interested in, nothing else . You still do not really know him, what he is about, you are in control.

Now after a nice dinner , this is where the two lay out what is expected out of the relationship. Remember that list, stick to it , do not bend.

It is up to you the sub or slave, to lay out your guidelines , you know a submissive if it makes you feel more comfortable , you can draw up a contract.

You the submissive have to be upfront about your needs , and goals. The dominant is going to take you for your word. He is going to take what you say to heart , and he will not forget, and be sure he will bring something up in the future.

You set your needs, and what you want out of the relationship, and he must agree , you ask the dom upfront can you as my dominant do everything I have explained to you, if yes then good , if he starts to object , then I would say well this conversation is over, thank you for the dinner , it was nice getting to know you. Because if you do not, and six months down the road things are not going as planned , you have two choices, pack up and leave , or keep your trap shut. You gave in , and you cannot change the rules midway.

. On the other side the dominant will lay out his guidelines , his rules , his protocol. You have the right to say give me sometime to think on this. Make sure you can meet his needs , his wants , more so make sure you can follow his rules.

Just a little advice.

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Vile

5 Responses to “The Submissive is in Charge”

  1. While agree the submissive needs to be careful entering relationships with Dominants, and that the submissive has rights, I do not agree that the submissive is in charge of the relationship. I am not saying she has no choice in it. I am not saying the Dominant can do just anything he wants without concern for the submissive. There has to be respect on both sides, along with honesty and trust. But if the submissive is in charge of the relationship, then, in my opinion, she isn’t really submitting.

    Feel free to explain why I am wrong. I am not trying to start an argument. Just a discussion. If you want to see a little more of my thinking on this, check this page: http://liberateone.wordpress.com/2012/05/27/on-being-a-dominant/

    • What I said is until the two agree to enter a committed relationship, the submissive is really in charge.
      It is the submissive who chooses the Dominant, even after a Dominant has shown interest.

      What I was trying to get at, is many Dominants try and make demands , before meeting. Such as you have to wear a skirt with heels, no panties, no bra. At this point and time the submissive is really in charge, she can put her foot down and say no I am wearing jeans and tennis shoes.

      That my friend is what I meant by a submissive being in charge… I was speaking more on the abuse factor, that many submissives go through..

      • While in a relationship such as now, my slave knows her place, I have the final say. She will ask if she may speak freely , and I allow if she has a concern.
        I am not gorean, but I do use there protocol.

  2. Ah. Okay. Well, I would say neither one is in fully charge in that situation. And by that mean, the submissive is making choices for herself, but she is not making choices for the Dominant. The submissive can say “No, I am wearing jeans and tennis shoes,” but the Dominant can then say, “Then I guess I won’t be meeting you.” Yes, the submissive is in charge of her own actions, but the Dominant is also in charge of his own actions.

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