BDSM And Christians

The Husband /Wife relationship: A Biblical Perspective
The point of focus for this topic is to examine general Ds lifestyle beliefs and practices for the purposes of determining whether or not they can be validate by the Scriptures or if they are condemned by Biblical teachings. If validated or not condemned, then we can then reconcile the practice as a part of the Christian D/s lifestyle.

OVERVIEW
Some D/s lifestyler’s define the relationship between Dom and sub a master/slave relationship. To define husband/wife relationship in a Christian marriage as one of master/slave is a misinterpretation of the Scriptures. While similarities exist, Scripture clearly distinguishes between the two relationships. Scripture references that provide teaching on the husbands leadership and the wife’s submission do not validate a master/slave relationship between husband and wife. For this reasons, a D/s relationship that takes a perspective of a master/slave relationship in defining the relationship between the husband and wife cannot be reconciled as being Biblical D/s. Reasons for this are as follows:

  1. In marriage, the husband and wife become one flesh. This *one flesh* relationship identifies a man’s wife as being his life partner and constant companion. As such, she shares and experiences all aspects of life with her husband. She is bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh. The relationship is one of deep intimacy and mutual dependency. This cannot be said of the master/slave relationship.
  2. In a master/slave relationship, a master is free to sell, trade or free the slave. Further, the slave had the option of being freed in the seventh year of service (or was freed after his debt was paid). It may or may not be a permanent relationship. This is not true for marriage relationship. Scripture clearly states that the wife is bound to her husband for as long as he lives and that he (husband) is not to rid himself (divorce) of her. This is not true for marriage relationship. Scripture clearly states that the wife is bound to her husband for as long as he lives and that he (husband) is not to rid himself (divorce) of her. The husband and wife relationship, from the very beginning, was meant to be life long. To be separated one from the other would be to loose a part of ones self.
  3. Although the OT law did allow a man to take female slaves and lawfully engage in a sexual relationship, to do so changed her status from a slave to a concubine and she was then considered a secondary wife and was given legal rights and protection under the law that were not held by slaves. Even this position is not supported by Scripture as being the status of a first wife as concubines could be released or obtain their freedom.
  4. Inc???? Paul exhorts believers who are servants (translated from the Greek douloo meaning slave) to secure their freedom. Never in Scripture do we see a passage that encourages a wife to seek freedom from her husband. To do so would be sin.
  5. In 1 Corinthians 7:23 Paul admonishes believers NOT to be servants (slaves) of men. While Paul states in Scripture his belief that it is better for men not to marry, he does not forbid marriage and exhorts that marriage not be forbidden.
  6. The destinations between, and separate references to, a *wife* and a *slave* make it clear that the two are not synonymous.

Master/sub

Another perspective of the Dom/sub relationship is that of master/submissive or lord/submissive. This perspective is supported by Scripture and is, therefore, acceptable practice within the Christian D/s lifestyle.

As with many words in the English vocabulary, the words master and lord have several definitions. Definitions that pertain to Bible D/s include:
Master/Lord: (noun definitions)
1) One having authority over another
2) The male head of household
3) Husband
Scripture Reference validating the husband as master/lord:

1 Peter 3:1 and 6
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement

The Amplified version provides clarification of this verse
In like manner you married women, be submissive to your own husbands – subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them. So that even if any do not obey the Word of God they may be won over not by discussion but by the {godly} lives of their wives.
It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham (following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by) calling him lord – master, leader, authority. And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you – not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you.

Lord: taken from the Greek kurios meaning supreme in authority, ie controller by implication* Mr. (as a respectful title): – God, Lord, master, Sir

(*by implication: something used (in this case the title lord) to show (define, establish) the relationship of

Genesis 18: 12
Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?

Lord: from the Hebrew adorn from an unused root (meaning to rule); sovereign, i.e. controller (human or divine) : – lord, master, owner (owner: {applicable definition }to have power over: control {not used here to mean as in ownership of property i.e. slave}) submissive: An individual who submits to the authority and control (leadership, guidance, rule) of another. The condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant. 1 Peter 3:1 and 6 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement The Christian wife who takes on the role and nature of a submissive woman is clearly, by Biblical command, fulfilling Scriptural imperatives that define God’s will and desire for her role in the marital relationship and her behavior towards her husband. (*Note: This is not to say that the Christian wife is in a position of “silent submission” or is to obey her husband without the having the opportunity to express her thoughts and feelings in any given situation or issue. Further, it is not to imply that everything in the relationship “goes” the husbands way. To take this view of submission violates the rights given to the wife by God and God’s command for the husband to love his wife. Both of these subjects will be the topic of later postings.) TITLES OF ADDRESS: Master, Lord, and Sir It is common practice for a submissive to address her husband (Dom) as master or lord. We see no conflict with Scripture for a wife to do so. In fact, we find it a practiced to be encouraged within the Scriptures. Consider the following: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement Sarah was chosen to be the mother of Isaac, the father of the nation of Israel, God’s chosen people. Though imperfect as all Christians are, she is described as being a woman of godly character. We are instructed to follow her example. She worshiped God. Yet she found no conflict in calling her husband lord. Nor do we find that she is condemned for doing. Rather we find that she finds favor with God for doing so.

Image

Vile

4 Responses to “BDSM And Christians”

  1. Same exact thoughts here!

  2. Lindale Says:

    First, thank you Mr. Vile. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for your consistency and your unwavering standing firm. Thank you for just saying things as they are. Thank you for being a place I can go to research and learn and recognize. And thank you for sharing your world, your love for your Arianna and your experience in such a way that reveals both tenderness and firmness, knowledge and even a healthy dose of humility when necessary. I greatly appreciate you. I could not start a response to any of your posts without first offering my gratitude. Now on with the ramble…

    Saddens me often when the Scriptures are used to push a personal agenda…especially when that agenda harms the hearts and souls of people who really are wired a specific way. I am one of those who grew up with the knowledge of and teaching of the Scriptures and often struggled with the feeling that I was not righteous enough because of my personal yearnings and the ways I felt most loved. Some of the verses most abused (Wives submit to your husbands. Freedom from slavery) are also the MOST pulled out of context. Those verses from Ephesians are, in the most beautiful and simple way, are only teaching us that we are to love deep…A husband should be the lead and EVERY choice he makes is made because he loves his wife and is made for HER betterment, to cherish and protect and build her up. A woman should love her husband and be his support and his best friend and willing to share her thoughts and her insight but she must do so trusting that his love will never allow him to knowingly make choices that harm her or their relationship or their family so following his lead is natural. Yes, sometimes it can be a choice that we have made in the past that has to be intentional in the present…but trust is not a one time thing…from either direction. It grows. It lives. It breaths. It is fed and reinforced daily every time HE leads well and protects well and every time SHE follows and obeys and supports – even supporting when not sure how things will pan out. I do NOT find in the Word that a Dominant/submissive or Master/slave marriage is non-Biblical…I think they are beautiful examples of a relationship in harmony when both parties are doing their part to make them so.

    Some of the best advice I EVER had given me, and one of the things that allowed me to start growing into my own skin over time, came from my Father in Law when he was talking with me before my marriage. He has been a missionary and pastor for MANY many years….his words:

    “If you are following the standards you know Jesus has for you – love God with everything, love the world by actually acting it out – the rest is just icing. Never let ANYONE define your relationship with your husband. Hear me, within the bounds of your marriage bed, anything, and I mean ANYTHING that both of you consent to is okay. There is no such thing as too kinky and nothing is inappropriate if you two have been honest with each other about your needs or wants and are willing to tend to each other in that manner. You are giving yourselves to each other, and that means you need to always let the dialogue be open to be completely honest with each other. As long as you are being loyal and faithful to each other, putting each other first and building your relationship together, try whatever you like. Live the life and be the person you were created to be. Don’t let anyone tell you the way you feel most loved is wrong.”

    And I think THAT is some of the greatest relationship advice. Be yourself. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Be worthy of trust and be willing to offer trust to he whom is worthy. Love big and love deep. No, the Bible does not say that a husband cannot be lord of his wife, that a wife cannot serve her husband. It does not speak against the D’s or M’s dynamic in the least. It says love deep and pure and embrace your relationship…use your uniqueness to help your partner be the best they can be. A marriage can look like many things, the only thing that needs to be universal is that it is a union that breathes love and care for each other and works to grow in trust, unity and love.

    Ohmuhgoodness….wrote a book here. Okay…hushing now…. 🙂

    • First off , I am right with the man, we talk often.
      I may have a lot of explaining to do but hey wont we all.
      I am righteous in my own eye, I walk the walk and talk the talk. I am who I am and I love me.

      Religion is a huge money maker today, Religion is the cause of wars. Just look at the middle east right now

      Look at the people looking down on Israel right now, pleading for them to stop, while Hamas fires missiles into their country.
      Fire on my home and you will feel my wrath, I will make sure you know what pain is.

      For a woman to submit that should earned, not just giving or demanded.

      Even with our laws we only use scriptures that benefit us, even in the courts. In God We Trust.

      Marry more than one wife and you go to jail…. Okay I am starting to rant.

      Thank you
      much love

      • Thank you for your reply. Hope that my comments did not appear to be a disagreement. .. yes, I know that you prefer honest differences of opinion over the bland platitudes of a sycophant when opinions differ. But who doesn’t like being affirmed as well? 😉 I agree wholeheartedly that a relationship should be allowed to be what it is without others classifying it as right or wrong just because it is different.

        Religion, especially when degraded by power mongers, can cause a whole heap of trouble.

        Agreed. Submission, just as respect, should be earned and not tossed around as a “hostess gift” just haphazardly given out. If the man who says he loves me is not a man of integrity… well he is not getting my trust…. just the way it is. And I would not expect him to give me freely of himself if I were to not do my part either. Relationships were not designed to have a perpetual consumer who contributes nothing.

        Anyway… rattling on when the point stands that I am blessed to have some who affirm that just being me is okay. … even better if just me is working to improve my strengths, strengthen my weaknesses and still remain true to the girl I just plain am at the core.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *