Control VS Controlling

In the lifestyle this seems to be a big issue that comes up on a regular basis. There are two types of men , those who are in control , and those who are controlling , I am not adding the Peewee Hermans .

The controlling dominant seems to have issues going on , maybe he is not true to the lifestyle , or just out for the sex. This is where the abuse factor comes in as well. One he has no plans of sticking around to long , or the submissive is gullible enough to stick it out hoping things will get better.

Remember The dominants best interest his his submissive or slave , after all it is them who choose the dominant. When you first meet both need to sit down and lay out what is expected out of both , what each other want out of the relationship , if either cannot agree then get up and walk away.

If at anytime the submissive expresses a need or something is not going right in the relationship it is the dominants job to sit and listen , and work out the issues.  It is only the submissive who truly knows what they need to move forward.

We as dominants are here t care for , take care of , communicate , insure the safety , and most of all respect all limits.

The controlling dom assumes he knows everything , he is never wrong. barks out orders , accuses of infidelity , does not respect limits nor does he care if he hurts. He loses his temper , yells , throws things, this is not control. This is out right abuse , and a submissive will stick it out hoping things will change , even more so if their new to the lifestyle.

A true dominant who is in control , will be more than happy to sit down and listen to your concerns , you are his number one priority in his life. You come first no matter what .

At no time should a dominant ever raise his voice out of anger , or disregard what you have to say. More so there is never any reason to argue. You sit down like two adults and talk things out.

Now you as the submissive , you have the right to voice your opinion , your needs. If your Master is not in control, how can you fully submit how can you know when you can open up , why should you be afraid to communicate. This type of relationship will never work. On the other hand if you choose to stay and take the abuse , be a good girl and suck it up and keep your mouth shut because it is you who has made up your mind to stay , and continue with the abuse.

While playing a controlling dom takes no care in what he is doing , the truth is he is just getting off being able to do what he wants , but as with any hobby it gets old after a while and he moves on to his next victim .

Take a moment to consider these questions.  Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it’s obvious that they aren’t okay…:

Do you feel that you can’t discuss with your partner what is bothering you?

Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?

Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?

Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?

Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?

Has your partner ever stolen from you?  Or run up debts for you to handle?

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?

Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?

Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?

Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?

Are you afraid of your partner?

The dominant who is in control , if in a committed relationship , will give 100% at all times. He will love and cherish. He will never raise his voice out of anger , chances are you will never see him angry at all. You may see him upset , or displeased maybe not with you but his surroundings.

Even though I am a sadist , I respect all limits , it is not to say I will not try to push them , but total respect at all times. I want you to talk to me,I want to know what is on your mind. I want to help you excel in life , I want to help you grow in the lifestyle and out. I want you to have friends , I want you to have your ladies night out. I want you to spend time with family . All of these things are important to growth, inside and out.

I want you to know , that if you need to talk at 3am you have no fear in waking me. I want you to know that you can talk about anything , and know you will not be judged. I want you know that there is no kink that you cannot come to me with , and be ashamed. I want to hold you , I want you to confide in me.

The more of the above you are able to do, the more you will love and respect, means the more you will give. Your love will be unconditional and without question.

You the Submissive have chosen to submit , you have chosen to kneel and give yourself. You have taken his collar . So the next time you start to blow up or try to argue or speak out of place, think about the above.

If the two work together if can be a relationship like no other. It will grow to know no boundaries , and each know the expectations .

That is what being in control is about…

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Vile

7 Responses to “Control VS Controlling”

  1. Thank you; it makes the line so clear.

  2. Reblogged this on Ramblings of Everything and commented:
    Thank you, Vile. This is much needed blog i needed.

  3. That was for you and only you

  4. I wanted to thank you for posting this. It is very ironic because just the other day I was thinking about the difference between being “controlling” and being “in control”. You wrote this at the perfect time. 🙂 I will probably piggyback off this at some point or another.

    • Your very welcome Ana , this is a big problem when it comes to new submissives and slaves. If there first relationship is someone who says there a dominant but their not, they are just controlling , they get off on the abuse be it verbal or physical.
      This is all they know and it takes anywhere from 6 months to a year , for them to see the light, by then much damage is done.
      I am not saying all dominants are fake , but there are a lot of predators why prey on subs and slaves .

      Maybe in my younger days I might have been guilty of such , and there is not a day that goes by that I do not regret some of the tings I did.
      That is why the biggest part of my blog now is safety , and care. I suppose it is my way of trying to make things right. I was young in my 20’s , running wild , without a care.
      Again Thank you.
      Yes you can reblog anything I write or share..
      Much Love…..

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