Archive for communication

Married And Interested In BDSM

Posted in bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Couples New To BDSM, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, relationships, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , on August 21, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Stepping into the lifestyle and being a vanilla couple can be challenging but it can be obtained. I am not speaking of the Dom/sub bedroom only I am speaking of making a huge step into a total different world. The longer you are married the more difficult it will prove to be. The main reason is you already know each other inside and out. You will both need to do hours , days and months of research. Try your best to keep from speaking to others until you both think you have found your place. If you start trying to listening to others it can become confusing because everybody is different , and what works for one couple will not work for another.

Who will take on the Dominant role? Who will take on the Submissive role? Either way both have to decide just how much control one wants to give up and the other how much control one wants to take on.  Are you both looking at Dominant /Submissive , Master and Slave , Daddy/Baby girl who fits where and why?

This is when the time comes to sit down and just start talking crazy, all of those kinky thoughts you have had but you’ve been afraid to say anything in fear of what your partners thoughts might be. The best way is to write everything down a list 1 to 10 starting with the ones you are most interested in. As you bring each subject up talk about it and why you like it or may like it. This is when your fantasy’s come out but you have always been afraid to bring those up.

In my years I have found men are the ones who are most resistant to any kinky ideas and most do not want added responsibility. This is due to the wife cooking , cleaning house , laundry , grocery shopping , paying all the bills , and if you have kids taking care of them.

Some years ago I would only see married women , and there was no sex involved at all. Ranging anywhere from early 30’s to mid 60’s. What took place was bondage , some lite spanking , a lot of humiliation , oh did I mention head , I got a lot of head but according to congress here in the US , oral sex is not sex. You did not think I would take time out of my day and get nothing out of it did you? The bottom line is each Submissive I met had a couple of things in common. One a lack of communication. Two they women were afraid of bringing the topic up. Three when their kink was talked about they were told they were sick get over it.

Discussing what direction you both want to go and again just how far. Our lifestyle is so diverse , there is no end and we are all different. What some may call a D’s relationship others may call it just kink , or while others may call it extreme.

Allow mistakes to happen because they will , you will probably spend hours and hours talking about the progression and the mistakes. There is no need to get discouraged , the important thing is to learn from your mistakes. Allow growth and explore and take notes and talk about things you do not like or your not will to do , put limits in place.

Get out in the community , go to local events there will be a lot you can learn especially when it comes to play , rope but most important impact play, safety is very important.

It is a long road but can be very exciting and the growing never ends… A lot of couples talk but do not talk openly , a lot are not able to share their feelings or thoughts in fear of the reaction they will get.

Why do people cheat ? They cheat because there is something they are missing, and it can be something as simple as communication , a lack of attention , maybe the sex needs to be worked on. Most see see sex as a one way street. With men however the cheating has to do with sex. The wife wont give head or is against anal sex , or maybe just kink. This is why communication is so important. Most people think its easier to just walk away instead of fixing something.. All you have to do is pack up and start all over and most of the time you leave with less than what you started with.

You both may seem lost at times , you may see yourself struggling , but if you both stay vigilant your world will rock.

A good source for information

bestslavetraining.com

Vile

 

The Power Of Slave Training

Posted in 24/7, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7, BDSM Relationships, Dominant and Submissive, Face Fucking, fetlife, Master And Slave, molding your slave, owned property, sex slave, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, TPE, viledesires62@aol.com with tags , , , , , , on June 26, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Training has to be a need , not a want, if it is just a want it has no meaning. One day a week or so ago Arianna made the comment about the Topic Brainwashing , other topics have been Hypnosis. Both topics were really no surprise as she spends a good deal of time looking for other ways to offer her submission even more than she does now, she continues looking for ways to give up more control.

A TPE relationship or Total Power Exchange is not a easy task and even more so if it is a micromanaged but as time goes on it becomes less of a task and more of a way of life. Generally it takes both about 90 days to get their feet in the ground and well adjusted.

So lets set sex to the side for now and concentrate on the building of a lasting relationship. In the past sex was hard to put on the back burner. Putting sex on the back burner is very important and it is a need in order to build a successful D’s Or M’s relationship.

Training is a need and not a want , I mean the type of need that keeps you awake at night, the need to please someone , the need to give up control. If your needs are met then there are no wants..

Your body and mind belongs to someone else, you are told how to do your hair, the color, nails and how do dress. Sex will be new as well , your told how to suck dick , how to fuck, you become a toy.

Arianna and I spoke at our local munch this past week on the building a TPE , Total power exchange relationship. We love sharing our story on how we met , how we started and how we grew and today we continue to grow.

Sitting back and watching the transformation , the changes not so much at first but then you can see almost on a daily basis. The Slave however in most cases are not fully aware of any changes at all.

Starting out taking small privileges away , things that are cherished such as being able to sit on furniture, being able to sit at the dinner table and sitting on the floor next to you. Giving direct times to shower , using the bathroom asking permission to do anything. The forming of habits it very important , again being consistent on a daily basis , even hourly.

I prefer keeping my property nude while at home , no clothes unless I give the word. This bring on a more humble feeling , the feeling of being exposed. At times depending on the company who comes over determines if I allow clothes or not. Putting restrictions in place on when and where the Slave can sit and permission must be giving before any type of action.

Everything is earned nothing is giving , there are goals put in place and goals must be reached before moving on to the next level of training. Reaching goals there are small rewards, small privileges are giving. What ever is giving depends on your dynamic , your agreement in your relationship after all each is different.

If you the Dominant are going to put rules in place , protocols you have the responsibility to explain everything in full detail so the Slave understands what you are saying. The Slave should be able to ask for clarification if there are still unanswered questions.

Training a Slave or Submissive cannot begin until you know either inside out, you cannot impose any rules without fully knowing the needs.

The Slave is not your mother , the Slave is not your grandmother , if you want a mommy figure then move back home. I pickup behind myself , there are some days I cook and I will explain why.

We expect so much from our property , and you can get to a point to where there is a breaking point , so we as Dominants have to take up some of the load. Every Slave needs down time, a time to relax , clear their head. Get out for the day , see friends or family , go to a movie doing something giving the mind a chance to relax. This also allows down time for the Dominant, because not only do we work but we take care of the home as well. I myself need that time alone just as a Slave does, I need that time to clear my head.

Accountability is huge , there is a lot of meaning behind that word. The Slave has to know they are held accountable for their actions. The Slave has to know there are consequences. The Slave has to know the privileges giving can be taken away at any time. If you are going to punish then punish , you cant bark like a wolf and never attack. Say what you mean and do what you mean and if your going to punish explain in detail why and what punishment you are going to use. However you cannot sit around and watch hoping something is going to go wrong you are setting the Slave up for failure.

Rules are meant for improvement , rules are meant to be followed however I prefer protocols over rules. If enough realistic protocols are in place then very few rules are needed.

Using the Slave , and this has worked for me over the years but more so while in my relationship with Arianna. In the beginning stages of our relationship I made it clear sex was all about me. If she was allowed to cum it was earned and no I was not using Orgasm control, again its about me. The slave gives her self , and giving I mean fully.

You the Dominant when entering a relationship make your needs known upfront, lay everything out on the table, be clear and make sure the Slave understanding. If the Slave states one of your needs is off limits then sit down and talk. At this point you cannot be making any type of demands. If the two of you cannot come to an agreement then you move on. Just as the Slave is looking for the right owner , the Owner is looking for the right Slave.

Watching fifty shades of grey almost made me sick, although the movie is credited to bringing more men and women alive and opening their eyes , and I am sure it has helped some relationships in the bedroom.

The first movie while negotiating their contract Mr Grey gave in to almost all of his needs, the word is need. The second movie when begging for her to come back he got down on his knee almost begging. This showed how weak he was , I was really disappointed.

While the movie was based on being submissive during sex , there was absolutely nothing in the movie about a Dominant or Submissive on how they live on a daily bases, there was no structure , thus having no meaning. The Movie had nothing to do with Master and Slave. To some men the movie was a open door to abuse, some men think all women think that way and that is just not true.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/02/23/college-student-accused-of-rape-claims-he-was-reenacting-50-shades-of-grey/?utm_term=.93211a13bf53

It is really fucked up how some people think, its fucked up how those who call themselves Dominants and see submission as a form of weakness.

Back to using , once you have agreed to enter a relationship and the terms are made clear you are ready to begin. I find the words making love very hard to use, It is seldom I can even get off in that frame of mind. I have the mindset I am using my property , I am using my property for my pleasure, I am using my property so I can get off. At times I am extremely rough and at times not so much. I love getting my cock sucked , there is not a better feeling and while I try to be somewhat gentle yea it does not end up as such.  I use the term face fucking, I love that gagging feeling , feeling the muscles grabbing my cock. I love anal sex at times I use lube then there are times I go straight from the mouth to the ass or from the pussy to the as. I love ass to mouth, which makes me wonder if banks know what ATM really means. The word again is use , you use your property.

This is something I shared on Fetlife.

I am not into the pain , I am not into humiliation although at times I do believe it is necessary .
I am not into abuse of any kind , be it physical , mental , or verbal.

My slave and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary and I cannot begin to explain how blessed I am .

On our wedding day we also had a collaring ceremony and to this day my slaves collar has never been off.

I am into a well structured home , I am into a drama free home, I am into a problem free home.

I run a very strict home , rules are followed , I have strict protocols in place both are followed without question.

I am into communication I set time aside on a daily basis.
There are no cell phones allowed during any meal public or private.

My slave comes first without question.

To this day we have yet to have a single argument, this is something I take pride in.

I just wanted to say thank you Arianna

I crave the control , I crave the structure , I crave the drama free life , I crave the problem free life, I am living the dream.

I dont want passwords  to accounts that is just fucking childish , if I cant trust you I dont need you. I am far from insecure, however I will take the phone or pad and go through when I feel like it. I think in 4.5 years ive going through Ariannas phone and pad maybe 5 times , Lynn now our third once.  There is a huge difference in being in control and being controlling.

Find your space , find your needs , and find someone who shares the same interest you have..

I Am Still Around

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Triad, Dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Sister Slaves, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , , on October 2, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

What a fucking month it has been insane , long hours at work yes I do have a everyday normal life well somewhat.

To add as I have spoken about in the past we are adding a third to our home, as a matter of fact we just had a two week time trial period and it went very well.

The Triad has been in the works now for about 6 months and I have been taking it slow. When bringing someone into your home you want to make sure everything is a perfect fit.

My next blog coming up is a topic that was brought to my attention by a very good friend. I introduced two a New Dominant and a Submissive somewhat new to the lifestyle.

As we sit in my car the question that really got me thinking was. What Does She Get Out Of It? That is deep and a lot of work , a lot of thinking, a lot of dedication.  That is the first time in my 53 years years on this earth , my first time in 25 years years in the lifestyle that any Dominant has ever posed that question, this told me one thing he cares and wants to succeed,. There is a age difference and he was thinking with him being older what can she possibly get out of the relationship.

As always I want to thank all of you for stopping by, please feel free to email, I have a few I need to catch up on but I will answer….

The Pic I have a ass fetish

Check out my slaves wordpress as well.

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/

 

Vile

 

Get Your Fuck On

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , on January 17, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Finding the right partner is very important , in our kinky world of BDSM it is more important because our needs tend to be much different than Ward and June Clever.

Dominants come in so many different flavors , just as Baby Girls , slaves and those who are submissive. What ever your kink or fetish is you are sure to find someone to meet your needs.

Last night while on the evil Facebook I received a message from a little , while I am not going to share any names , she did ask me for a little advice.

She had met someone on Fetlife which is an awesome place to go if you want to make friends and learn , there are groups for every kind of kink you can think of and more you have never even heard of, and it gives you the opportunity to find local people and groups as well.

She feels she has a bond with this Daddy Dom, she feels safe while with him , they get along very well, so you would think all is good on the home front when it comes to building a relationship. Yea I do not think so , and the reason being is when we meet someone we need to know that we have the whole pie and not just half or 3/4’s , you want the whole thing. If you are not getting the whole pie then your needs are not being met.

he went on to explain he is everything I need and want except , He is not as commanding or primal as I need him to be. Bam she just answered her own question. See she would not be getting the whole pie.

She went on to say she did not want to communicate her needs in fear of losing what she has already. That is another bad sign if you do not feel comfortable enough to communicate your needs and feelings.

Ladies communication is they key, communication will open all doors to the success of your relationship , communication will help you grow as well as your relationship. If you cannot fully communicate and be open about your feelings , then you cannot fully submit, again only half of the pie.

I told her to make a list of her needs and stick with it , do not alter or bend , because if you do , again only half of the pie.

I remember sherri my first slave , she was primal but only receiving , I grabbed her hair onetime and slapped her and she said again , so I slapped her face again she said harder , and I continued  until she hit the ground when she hit the floor she squirted all over the place and just laid there shaking.  She was very extreme to extreme for even me.

The first time I fisted her my hand was in her pussy past my wrist and as I started pumping her she started slapping herself and when she came her pussy clamped down on my hand so tight I thought she was going to break it. Primal that was a need for her., and it was a need I could not be there for. Our relationship lasted almost seven years.

Chong , her thing was anal sex , she loved being fucked up the ass , and that was the only way she could cum , that was a new experience to me , but every mans dream.  Anal sex was a need to her and believe it or not there were a lot of men who were not into ass fucking.

You want this , you want that , you want and want and what , but what do you need ? Put all of your wants to the side and think about your needs. Then you will find the one who fits like a glove.

My needs were as follows. I wanted total control , I wanted total control over everything in our life. The other need was someone I could communicate with and someone who could communicate with me. I love to be rimmed so finding someone who liked was very important. I needed someone who loved to suck cock , foot worship . These were ll needs to me and I was not going to bend just so I could get some pussy.  So for almost two years I took care of things with my own two hands.

Being able to get your fuck on is being able to feel not only comfortable , but safe and knowing you can talk about anything , knowing your limits will be respected.

I think one problem is not being able to separate lust from liking or loving someone because both gives you the same feelings, the only problem is lust is short term.

You have to have a plan before entering a relationship if you don’t you will lose every time and you spend more time looking that you do in an actual relationship…

You can tell if the Dominant is playing the Intimidation card when you first meet , if that is the case thank him for his time and get up and leave. You have to become friends first , your first and maybe your second meeting should not have anything to do with BDSM. It would seem you would want the Dominant to get to know you as a person first then you move in to different areas as you grow.

You need to be able to communicate if you cannot you will never be able to open other doors or fully submit.

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Vile