Archive for the Scared Category

Training And Fear And Fucking

Posted in Adapt, Aftercare, anal sex, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Consistency, consistent, control, Daddy Dom, Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Face Fucking, Fear, fucking, gagging, Giving Head, Golden showers, Honesty, Humiliation, Humiliation Training, Lie, Master, Mind Fuck, My Bitch, oral sex, piss, Protocol, punish, Punishment, Rough Sex, Rules, Scared, Security, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Task, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, TPE, use your submissive, whore on December 11, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

The first ninety days is the most important when it comes to training. I myself thing that once you put a plan together it is very important to stick to it.

The fear comes from the submissive, the not knowing what is going to happen, more so not knowing what to expect. There may be a little fear within the submissive not knowing if they will please or be able to meet your standards.

Training day begins I do not share anything, I do not give any ideas about what I am going to do. Just like I explained to Arianna watch and listen. That is all you really have to do.

Remember the Submissive will adapt to their new surroundings, and most will without question as long as you the Dominant keeps your word.

If you are new to the lifestyle the first ninety days will tell you if you really want to be part of a D’s relationship, in some cases it may take less than a week.

The first ninety days I gave no punishment, we were actually almost six months into our relationship before I had to punish Arianna. As a punishment I do not believe in spanking, because most who are submissive enjoy being spanked, so what is the point in doing something they enjoy when you punish. Arianna on the other hand is not into pain at all, so I decided that my best approach was to spank and I set that ass on fire. .

During the first ninety days a lot of positive reinforcement is needed, the idea is not to break down, but to build up. We want to point out the good, but we also need to correct when something is not done correctly. A firm voice without yelling or humiliating . The fear factor comes into play.

Your plan you must stick to exactly what you have planned, if you try to change things up you as the Dominant can get distracted, and may cause a little confusion.

The truth and always the truth, the first thing we tell a submissive is to always be truthful, never lie and always be upfront. If we cannot abide by the truth we cannot expect the submissive to. If we lie how can we expect the submissive to always be truthful. Once you gain their trust, that is the easy part, the hard part is keeping it. Once you break that trust you can almost never get it back.

I only started out with 4 rules as we progressed I added a few more. Handing someone a page full of rules, can really cause confusion, and again fear, the fear of forgetting. Some Dominants will hand out 25 maybe 50 rules and say you have to memorize each and everyone. Ask him if he knows them word for word, if not why or how could he expect you to. Rules are meant to give structure, and guidance. Rules are meant to be a reference for daily life.. If you give out to many at one time, the submissive will become overwhelmed , and feel like they are being set up for failure. Also rules we take bad habits and turn them into good ones. If you do this in a short time the Dominant will see a great improvement in any areas that needed work.

I was talking to a Submissive on the phone a couple of weeks ago, her and her Daddy Dom had split. When she broke a rule he would not punish, so there were no consequences for her actions, he was more worried what was for dinner.

I have found from past experiences if you do not stand by what you say and do what you mean you can lose control, again once you start to lose that control it is impossible to regain again. You cannot sit there and say I will change because it is to late. I changed because I let my feelings get in the way when it came to punishing or enforcing rules. I had a huge guilty feeling come over me and I no longer wanted to punish. In the end I lost control. Keeping our word is very important.

Arianna has daily task that has to be completed just like this am a list was completed and I will go through it and either keep it the way it is or I will veto if I feel she has put to much on herself. She has had a rough couple of days emotionally so I stepped in and helped out a little, yea I did dishes, cooked breakfast. Eggs bacon and sausage. I made her watch as I put three eggs into the frying pan and I flipped her without breaking a yoke. I broke one of mine so one out of six is not bad. Dinner I made a taco salad. We should step in at times and take some of the weight off of their shoulders. I like to show my appreciation.

From time to time I believe a little fear is needed, just like a little humiliation is needed. Sometimes the submissive starts to lose that feeling of submission, so we want to put them back in that mode..

Not long ago we were in our Den watching TV , Arianna was nude, I was on the couch she was on the floor, just looking at her drove me crazy. So I told her to spread, and she has these huge lips that look like butterfly lips that just makes me go bonkers. I stood up undressed crawled on top and just started fucking her as hard as I could. I wrapped my hand around her throat, and told her she was my whore, she was my cunt, but I had changed my voice up a little deeper , slower and I could see this look in her eyes. I told her to fuck me back and push, when she pushes I can feel her pussy grip my cock, and then her rocking her hips just WOW.

So I got up pulled her up by her hair and shoved my cock in her mouth  and started face fucking her, one hand one her chin and the other on the top of her head, pushing my cock in as as far as it would go.. Calling her my bitch, my whore, telling her that I owned her. After a few minutes I grabbed her by her hair again and pulled her into the kitchen bending her over the trash can and back in her pussy, I fucked her for a few minutes then I slipped it out and right into her ass. One hand around her throat the other with a handful of hair I banged her as hard as I could until I dumped my load. I then grabbed her hair taking her to the bathroom put her on her knees and I pissed all over her Tits, then came the cold shower. To me golden showers shows that I own, ownership.

She was scared, she did not know how to take my actions. After it was all said and done came the aftercare which was truly needed. I believe aftercare is needed but at times I am not at my best. So I am trying tp improve in that area.

The change in my voice, the way I was fucking, really confused her, not knowing how to act or respond but she went along with what I wanted to do and how I used her. It is good to have sex, sex makes life good. On the other hand it is okay to just use your submissive. Sometimes I will tell Arianna to go to the bedroom and strip putting her on the bed pulling her to the edge, fuck her and tell her to get dressed. Using puts them in that submissive state of mind.

The mind fuck, last week we went out for Mexican we were both stuffed Arianna was in the bathroom washing up and I told her to hurry, I said I have the brown bath towel on the bed I was ready. Her first thoughts were oh god he is going to face fuck me and I am going to puke. She procrastinated  for a good ten minutes once she walked in the bedroom and she saw no towel the look in her eyes were priceless. The mind fuck can be a very powerful, you can mind fuck even when joking, keeps them thinking.

You can tell when your cared for as well, the hug the kiss the way someone listens when your talking, you can just tell. I was getting head and Arianna asked if I wanted to finish in her ass, I love those words Fuck my ass. I had other plans though, I told her to lay on her side her mouth on my cock and I started fucking just like I was pounding her pussy, her arms were moving in the air her legs were kicking, I stopped from time to time to allow her to breath then right back at it, until I blew my load. It is okay to use your property. There is a very pleasing feeling that comes across your submissive when they know they have pleased.

Never share what your training plan is about. slowly implement things on a daily basis, give small hands on test. Such as Once I thought Arianna was ready I invited a Dom and Slave to our home and she was in full service, I am not talking sexually. When they both set down she was standing legs shoulder width apart arms behind back waiting for instructions for drinks and dinner. When training you train to fit your needs and wants. The submissive you train to fit their needs, their wants come later. If you say no then mean no, if you say yes then mean yes.

A little fear can be good with the proper aftercare the same with a little humiliation.

Image It is okay to use her.

Vile

Be Who You Are Not Who Your Expected To Be

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, anal sex, anger, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, bleeding, blindfold, blow job, Bondage, chat room, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Dating, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fake Dominants, Fetish, Fitting in, Gagged, Kink, kinky, Local events, married, Master, Pain, Protocol, Protocol public, Respect, Rules, sadist, Safe, Scared, slave, Spanking, Structure, submissive, sucking cock on November 27, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

You do not have to change the way you are , or be someone else your not when entering a relationship. You have to be honest with yourself, then you have to be honest with others.

This is more for the new submissives and slaves who are entering the lifestyle. You truly have to be careful and you have to be thinking with a level head. Once your mind starts to go off in a hundred different directions you need to sit down and catch your breath and gather your thoughts, because you are thinking of shit that has never crossed your mind before.

First off Chat rooms pollute your mind, I am not saying all of them are bad but for the most this is where your wannabe Dominants lay in prey. Like a rattle snake just waiting to strike. Once you are bitten you have very little time to get to a doctor. If you do frequent chat rooms pick and choose wisely.

Second what I blog on here is just my opinion, I share who I am and what I am about. You either love me or you hate me. I do not want you to agree with everything I say, and I want to hear your objections, I want to hear the other side of the story. The same goes for other information you gather around the net, staying up late at night reading and taking in information. Nothing you read is written in stone.

What part of the lifestyle are you interested in? How far do you want your submission to go ? How much freedom are you willing to give up ? What do you want out of the relationship ? What type of Dominant are you looking for ? Are you really into the kink of everything ?

When meeting a Dominant you are just doing that, it is like your first date, as a matter of fact it is your first date. As Sir Marcus pointed out you do not have anything to prove. The only thing that both of you has to prove is that you are both compatible nothing more.

Your submission is not proved by sucking cock, or spreading your legs. Your submission is proved by being the person you are. Again as Sir Marcus pointed out proving your submission is not just following rules. You being a submissive you already have a good idea in your head how you want a relationship to work.

To give yourself as a whole, the want to kneel before your Dominant the peaceful feeling you get while at his feet, then you feel your submission.

That is the frame of mind you strive for, the rest of your submission just falls into place. Yes it is really that easy.

Okay even if you just moved in with a Dominant within the first 90 days the relationship you are looking for will just fall into place again it is that easy. There may be a few modifications your Dominant wants to add,  house rules a few protocols, but you already know your submission. you know your limits, you know your needs.

That is where your training comes in, the modifications your Dominant imposes on you. You do so willingly though because it is a need, you have a growing desire to submit.

Okay we are going to begin your training right now I want to see how you suck cock, I need to see if there is any room for improvement , that is not proving anything.

If you change the person you are to make someone else happy. Then where does your happiness come into play ?  What satisfaction are you going to get out of the relationship ?

If you meet a Dominant and the two of you get along okay and you feel you have something, but he is into pain and your not. You do not have to except what he is giving just to please that just simply means you are not compilable . Why put yourself through something you do not enjoy , it is not worth it.

Being a Dominant is not about barking orders, or making demands. A Dominant is meant to make you feel safe, wanted , cared for, he provides structure within the home. He is calm ,  and remains in control at all times. It does not mean there will not be disagreements but the two will talk things out. A Dominant provides an open line of communication, meaning you are able to share what ever your thinking, your feelings your emotions, your needs. More so he will listen to what you have to say. He will take an interest in things you want to do, places you want to go. You should be the center of your Dominants world you should always come first and want to come first.

Being tied to a bed getting your ass whipped does not prove your submission, being shared does not prove your submission. The Dominant has much more to prove than you do, he has to prove he is who he says he is. Your just going to take his word after a few chats and a couple of phone calls ? I would hope not.

Arianna has a friend who met a Dominant who she had been talking to for a while and agreed to meet him. Yes on the first meet a motel room.  She was tied down spread eagle on the bed, blindfolded and gagged. He began to fuck her with a huge Dildo, very hard once he was finished, he took the gag out the blindfold off untied her , and when she looked down the bed was full of blood, he told her to get cleaned up and get the fuck out he would call her later.  Yes the first meeting, but she proved her submission Right ?

Over Ninety five percent of my followers are women, I truly wonder why ? I will share my thoughts, While I am a Dominant, married to my Slave who happens to call me Master by her choice I never directed her to call me anything. She asked me what I would like to be called. My reply was what ever makes you feel comfortable. I made no demands.

I am very strict I run a strict home, I have rules and my rules are followed, I have protocols public and private that are followed. Yes I get my cock sucked when ever I want, I get pussy anytime I want I get anal anytime I want, fuck I cannot think of anything I do not get. I can tell you this. I have never raised my voice to my wife and slave, I have never left a bruise on her anyplace . Her needs are met, she knows she can come to me and talk about anything knowing I will not get upset.  She knows that if something comes up I will handle it, she has no stress no drama, and most of all no regrets.

Yes I got it like that, but it was no easy task I had much to prove, before she gave her full submission. and I had to stay consistent I had to be who and what I am. I did not put up a false wall.

I am against abuse of any kind be it emotional , physical or mental. I am against someone being used and just tossed aside. That is why ninety five percent of my followers are women. Because I tell the truth.

I use to get a lot of hate mail I have not received any in some time. Men telling me how I fucked their relationship up. Really I did that ? Um no you did.

Last year I blogged and a Slave made a comment and her question was , What is a Munch? She had been with this Dominant for over a year and did not have a clue to what a Much was. Some of you being new may not know what a Munch is but you will now. A munch is a gathering of like minded people who have dinner together once a month and sometimes they have discussions after eating. There is no sex, sometimes they have demonstrations maybe rope or spanking.

If you are with a Dominant and he is keeping you cut off from the outside world, you need to pack your shit because things will go wrong. Keeping you from friends and even family. The abuse is about to begin, and it can turn ugly.

I made it a point when I first met Arianna to introduce her to people I knew and was friends with in the lifestyle. I never said much about me, but it was not long until she made the comment, you are very respected in the community . That is only because I am who I am and I did not change for anyone.

I live by the Truth.

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Just be who you are.

Vile

Being A Slave Is Hard Or Is It ?

Posted in 24/7, A Masters Creed, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, anger, Argue, Arianna, Ass, ass fucking, bdsm, BDSM Safety, Bipolar, Bond, Breaking Rules, communication, Conform, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominants, dress, emotional, ethics, Fear, Giving Head, Health, Honesty, inhibitions, Lie, Lies, Master, men begging, Molding, molding your slave, No Inhibitions, No Panties, No Rights, oral, oral sex, Patience, Private Protocol, problems, Protocol, Protocol public, punish, Punishment, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Scared, serve, sex, slave, Spanking, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick, Task, Total Slavery, TPE on September 25, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Those who wake with an unknown feeling, a feeling of not being complete, they are not sure where these feelings arrived from or where their thoughts came from. They begin to do a lot of research in hopes of finding answers. Then they stumble across a BDSM site or erotic stories, and things become more clearer.

Then the search Dominant after Dominant until they find the right fit , the right connection, or after being played a couple of times.

I would imagine that giving up 100% of freedom could be a scary thought. Being told what to do, how to act, how to dress, how to speak, what to eat or cook, when to bath, when to go to bed, and then being punished for breaking a rule.

To go from your boyfriend begging for sex or begging to get his dick sucked, to someone just telling you to spread, or get on your knees. Maybe anal sex was off limits now there is no choice, you do it because your now owned.

These are big changes, these are huge changes.  These are changes you never would of even thought off until a year ago, or maybe they have been thoughts for a long time but you had no idea on how to put things into place.

It is not that the changes are difficult, scary yes difficult no. It is how you are brought through these changes, what actions are taking to get you to the point of where you need to be. I can tell you it is probably harder if not almost impossible if you know you are not truly cared for. Eh it works for a short period of time, but when reality hits you and you discover this dude is a piece of shit, you pack up move on and begin your search again, and maybe again, and again until you get it right.

Two key words come to mind, resistance and consistency. Almost every Slave will put some or a lot of resistance when it comes to submitting. It is not that they do not want to, they are scared and they have every right to be.

Consistency or being consistent this is where most Dominants fail. Why is this ? Because once in a relationship be it a D’s or M’s WOW this is fucking work, I actually have to put forth an effort if this is going to work. Keeping your cool staying calm, keeping your word, showing that you care, you listen, and most of all you communicate. If you as a Dominant miss any of these steps you will fail, and it is no ones fault except yours.

I have seen this time and time again, when it happens it is always the Bitches fault, yea she was a bad submissive, or a bad slave she would not listen or follow rules. Just listen to that last statement. Who’s fault is that now? The blame always goes on the Bitch. No it could never be me I am the almighty Master. It was not long ago I told a Dom he was a piece of shit and he should rethink his place within the lifestyle. We had a couple over for dinner not long ago when they left I told Arianna what the out come of their relationship would be, sure enough they are no longer together.

Be it a Submissive or Slave, we have to be able to get into their heads, we have to know what makes them think, their thought process, and I can tell you if your not true or you do not care it will not happen. Just look at the time you have wasted just because you wanted some pussy.

Resistance equals consistent one giving equals one caring, you cannot just take or demand. You as the Dominant has to earn every step you take. Respect you have to earn it is not something we can demand.

Most who are submissive or a slave are on some type of medication, why is this? I do not have a fucking clue, most who are a Submissive or Slave suffers some type of depression maybe Bi-Polar? Why is this again I do not have a fucking clue.  So we as Dominants cannot just step in balls to the wall, we have to put a plan together because we do not want to bring any harm to ours. Yea okay I look over some things nothing major but I do not just sit around hoping Arianna will break a rule, as a matter of fact she will do everything in her power not to break a rule. I set that Ass on fire one time and that is all it took.

We can never figure out why someone is depressed if you try your just wasting time. So instead we work with them, we try to somewhat understand but we will never fully. Go to doctors appointments with them study their medication. Most of all we do not want to push them over the cliff. I had a counselor tell me not long ago that she agreed with our lifestyle, and the way our home was ran was beneficial  to Arianna, and almost a year it has worked well, we have had a few ups and downs but more ups I can assure you.

Starting a new relationship the Submissive / Slave has a wall in place. What we have to do is take it down one brick at a time, while this is on going we are still hitting this resistance button , the reason that button is still there is the lack of trust. While most would like trust is not built over night. So again the same words, Consistency or being consistent this is where most Dominants fail. Why is this ? Because once in a relationship be it a D’s or M’s WOW this is fucking work, I actually have to put forth an effort if this is going to work. Keeping your cool staying calm, keeping your word, showing that you care, you listen, and most of all you communicate. If you as a Dominant miss any of these steps you will fail, and it is no ones fault except yours.

If you cannot control your Submissive or Slave Don’t put the blame on them, it was not them who failed it was us who failed them. We gave them false statements, we led them to believe something that was not true.

If you fail at communication, it is pretty much over. Most of the time a Slave will not volunteer and information, so we have to be willing to spend the time to communicate, if you really care this comes natural. Set aside 15 minutes a day so you can just sit and talk. Hold conversation over dinner, while driving. Communication is the main key, if your going to wait for them to spill their guts guess what? It will never happen.

There has to be an astronomical amount of fear when a Slave enters a relationship, they have no idea what to expect, more so if it is their first relationship. That is why you need a plan , and you need a back up plan, and another back up plan.

I was lucky when I met Arianna the resistance level was almost zero, even so I knew I had to stay consistent. The first ninety days is the tell , tell of everything. It will tell the slave if they are truly a slave and it will tell the slave if the Dominant is real.

Asking to sit at the Dinner table, not taking a bite of food before I do. Kneeling at the door when I return from work. anticipating my needs, kneeling in the bathroom while I shower, it goes on and on, but again the key word is consistency.

Rules some just fucking kill me, Rule one you must worship my cock. Rule 2 you must masturbate every night before bed while we are talking on the phone. Rule 3 you must send me nude pics everyday. Rule 4 you will never wear panties in my presence. You have seen and heard these rules. Rules are meant to be beneficial to a slave. We take old habits and make new positive ones. Yea some do call it training I have before, I like the word molding. We are molding someone to fit our needs, or training. We are taking someones life and turning it inside out. We are taking someone who once had a resistance factor and taking the word NO or i cant out of their vocabulary. Again this all comes with being consistent and in control.

The bottom line is, if we remain who we say we are, if we prove who we say we are, if we put ours first no matter what, if we take care of ours, if we do not abuse with a bunch of worthless rules, if we remain true and yes consistent then there is only resistance for a short time.

The Slave already knows who and what they are, they already know who they want to be, we just have to take one brick down at a time, brush our hands off and take their hand and walk with them.

We as a Master are expected to live by certain standards we have a creed we must follow, we must always be truthful when speaking. We must earn what we get.

The rewards for both are just amazing, it can be the most loving relationship you have ever known. The Master will want for nothing at all. The out come is what you make of it.

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Vile

Does The Crime Fit The Punishment

Posted in 24/7, abuse, bdsm, Beatings, Bondage, communication, Discipline, Domestic Discipline, Dominants, Honesty, Humiliation, Love, masochist, Master, Pain, problems, Punishment, Respect, Rules, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, Scared, slave, Spanking, submissive on July 19, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I remember coming home one day and as I was entering the house I heard loud screams coming from two women, I was not sure what was up but when I walked in Chong and Beth were on the floor fighting. I mean they were really fighting. I walked in stopped and looked stepped over the two, poured a glass of tea walked back over stopped and I said I guess you two are having a bad day. Both just stopped and looked at me, as if I was going to tell them to stop, break it up or even take sides. I did not care that much for beth, although she followed my rules I think she tolerated me more, in the beginning anyway. I shut the door and went into the living room and turned on the TV.

Shortly after both walked out hair all fucked up, makeup smeared, looked really sad. So both started to explain what happened and I just said I do not want to hear it, you two have to work what ever happened out, I am not getting in the middle of your problems.

While at a munch some time ago I made the same remark and the answer was I should of beat them both. Well it just so happens I disagree . Beating or spanking is not always the answer. In the vanilla world you are not suppose to hit your wife or girl friend, in my eyes a man should never hit a woman at all.

So the BDSM lifestyle is much different it seems to be expected. There is a huge difference in playful spanking, verses spanking for punishment. Okay now I have spanked before, but I was setting a stage of what could and would happen.

A few months back Arianna had a very important task to complete and she forgot, this was after a couple of reminders. So I wanted to give her something to remember. on the bed ass in air, and I picked up my belt and it was 4 or 5 swats that really echoed through out the room. Since then she has walked a pretty much straight line, she does not want a repeat of that afternoon.

When I talk to others about the lack of punishment, their comment is do you not get bored, or I couldn’t live like that. It is like they are hiding in the brush just waiting to pounce. They cannot wait until their sub or slave fucks up. The first thing they want to do is grab a paddle, a belt or riding crop. Something to remember.

Hard impact Spanking as a form of punishment can have the same effect as mental and physical Sub-Drop. I am not saying that at times punishment is not needed because you can cry wolf one to many times. If you do not punish when a rule is broken or something very important is forgotten , the submissive can and will lose respect, I have said before once you have lost that respect it is impossible to re-gain control. It does not matter how many ways you try to explain your actions it is done.

Most who are submissive love spankings anyway, most get off on being spanked, a huge endorphin release, a rush, like a hundred mile an hour roller coaster. So why give something that is liked, not to mention if you spank as a form of play, when you do it as a form of punishment it can cause some confusion, again the sub-drop

My way of thinking is at times on a regular basis a slight form of humiliation is needed, I cannot give any examples off the top of my head but if you know yours then you know what effects them and what does not. Slight humiliation on a regular basis keeps your property in check. Some Slave positions work, or being exposed like being nude legs open everything in the open. you get the idea.

So what crime does it take for the submissive to be beaten? Where do you draw the line, when it comes to physical contact. Okay back to the mood altering medication even for just depression what effect does the contact have not only short term but long term.

If the Dominant is on top of their game, there should be no slip up. The last thing a submissive or slave wants to do is break a rule. Some will in the beginning just to see how far they can push or just how much they can get away with, before that line is crossed.

I myself when I explain something to Arianna no matter the subject I go into great detail so I cover all bases. Once I have finished I ask if there is any questions, maybe I left something out.

On the other side of the story, some do expect to be spanked for their mishaps, mistakes, rules that are broken. The truth is one will only start to break rules if they are not getting the attention they feel they deserve, or want, and need. Most are very needy, needy in a huge way. This is something to consider before entering a D’s or M’s relationship.

Scolding when a rule is broking or something very important was forgotten, very humiliating, making them stare you in the eyes while talking to them.

Then at times rules can be looked over if you implement to many at one time, instead of introducing a few at a time. You can overwhelm the submissive, kinda like walking on egg shells, trying not to break one, it is impossible.

We are all different, we all live different lives, we all have different rules, we all expect different things from our property. Those who do believe in spanking as a punishment, and it works for you, it is all good. Just remember the Sub-Drop thing and the effects it could have both short and long term.

I know all of this sounds crazy coming from me. What is Vile losing his grip, getting soft in his old age? Nah not at all, I run a very strict house, it is my way, always my way. The difference to everything being my way I do not carry things to an extreme, I am not ego driving. If two enter a relationship and both knows what is expected there should be no surprises. Being truthful with each other from the start is a must.

So you do not live 24/7 and you have instructed your submissive to send you pics. Something comes up and she cannot or simply forgets. So you strap her to the bed face down and beat her. Really over a few pictures.

BDSM is not one meaning BDSM is broking down into four parts. Bondage Discipline , Sado and last Masochism . Within the four is a very large tree of life and it allows us to expand and be who we need to be.

We ad Dominants are suppose to be better than lets say someone who practices Domestic Discipline Within that circle is a wide range of abuse, because most of the time those males are controlling and not in control. Being controlling is when abuse comes into play.

Male Dominants are held to much higher standards, we are suppose to be caring and loving, understanding, but strict, we are suppose to be in full control. We are looked up to because we take care of ours.

When you strap a bitch down to the bed, and beat her because she forgot to send a few pics, or maybe just maybe she felt a little uncomfortable. Then we are no better. Unfortunately many Doms are ego driven, being ego driven gets in the way of being in control.

Now it is not to say if Arianna made the same mistake over and over then at times a good spanking just may be the cure. I can tell you after the first she walks a fine line, and she has even brought up the fact about not wanting to get into trouble.

Sit your submissive down talk to them, find out what is going on in their head, a simple mistake does not constitute a beating. There is a reason for everything.

So you just beat the shit out of your sub then you want to role her over and fuck her, yea that is a real man there. There is no difference than a vanilla blacking his wife’s eyes then wanting to fuck.

Just my opinion I do not expect everyone to agree with me.

Just think Does the crime fit the punishment.

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Vile

Sub-Drop

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Safety, BDSM Session, Beatings, Bipolar, blindfold, Bondage, cage, Cherish, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Conversation, Depression, Dominants, Fear, Humiliation, masochist, Master, Masters, Mental illness, Pain, positive reinforcement, Praise, Safe, Safe and Sane, Scared, session, slave, Stressed, Sub Drop, submissive on July 17, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Sub-drop is something that has to be dealt with right after a session, or rough play. I firmly believe that sub-drop can be prevented with the right care.  While some may disagree I am speaking from over 20 years of experience in the lifestyle. I am not some dude who got out of bed Friday and said I am a Dom on your knees bitch.

You spend a couple of hours in a session, playing rough, not making love but just raw, sweaty hard fucking. Last weekend Arianna and I spent about 3 hours in play from being bound in the cage, tied to the bed spread eagle, blindfolded not knowing what was going on, not a clue. I cannot even imagine that feeling. Being able to hear but you cannot see.

I love using sexually, it is like mini golf I want to play all three holes and then start over. Sometimes I don’t even want to cum because I don’t want to lose that feeling.

I love face fucking, to me face fucking making her gag is one of the most humiliating things a man can do to a woman. I love feeling the throat muscles wrap around my cock feeling that gagging sensation. WOW.

Sub-Drop there are a couple of different definitions. one being, Physical Sub Drop the other being Mental

Physical Sub-Drop during a hard play session where a lot of impact play is going on, your body see’s this as more of a trauma. So naturally the body goes into the defense mode, pulling most of the blood to the to the torso area to protect the organs, yes think about this for a second, your mind is one place, but your body is in another.  While you are enjoying the play your body is going what the fuck.

Then comes the Mental part of Sub-Drop Mental Sub-Drop is much harder to see, It varies in such a great degree from person to person but usually takes the forms of guilt, anxiety,depression, and or agitation. This can happen right after a session or it can take up to several days for Sub-Drop to kick in.

There are several things we have to look at before any type of hard play. Things should be talked about like types of medications they are taking, mind altering , for depression or any other mental illness. If someone is suffering from Bi-polar then you have to adjust your play and not push to far.  If the Dominant does not know the submissive inside out there are things that should be considered. It is up to the Dominant to look out for the Submissive, we are to insure their safety.

Normally after a session the submissive has a feeling of being relaxed, not caring, very much at home feeling, and very tired the submissive will be mentally drained. Let them rest take a nice hot bath, bath them talk to them.

Aftercare is very important, if you just spent an hour beating a submissive and you untie and just walk away then you are not a good Dominant, I use the word beating loosely by the way.

While it is true after a session some do want to be left alone for a while so their mind can process everything that just happened. During a session you should be in constant communication with the Submissive insuring they are in fact okay. Again you the Dominant are responsible for their safety.

Give them some time alone if they need, let them curl up in a ball and process everything, even take a nap.

After you should step in, hold and pet, talk to about everything that happened. Praise the Submissive for doing so well. Talk about any limits that were tested or pushed.

Even if there was no real impact play , and everything was mainly mental the impact on the body can still be devastating.

That is why I myself believe Aftercare should be Proactive, and not just used after play, more so if the submissive is a masochist.

Certain medications and hard impact play do not go well together. If your submissive suffers from any type of depression and is taking mind altering drugs then there must be communication. You as the Dominant may decide there is a better approach to playing or you may decide not to play at all. Again we are to look out for ours.

I am going to pass on a link that I think everyone should read and maybe it will explain a little more about your feelings after play.

http://subshelpingsubs.tripod.com/articles/subdrop.html

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Much Love

Vile

You Can’t Fix Stupid

Posted in 128 Basic rules, 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, anger, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Safety, Beatings, blow job, Bondage, Consensual, control, controlling, Conversation, cum, Discipline, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fantasy, fuck hole, fucking, Giving Head, Humiliation, Kink, kinky, married, Married Dominant, masochist, Master, Masters, Mini Skirts, morals, No Inhibitions, No Panties, No Rights, non-consensual, On your knees on your back, oral, oral sex, Pain, Patience, punish, Punishment, Respect, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, Safe, Safe and Sane, Scared, session, slave, Spanking, stupid, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick, TPE, Trust, Whores, You Can't Fix Stupid on July 14, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Quoted by Comedian Ron White. You Can’t Fix Stupid. Yes that is the truth. There is no class you can take, nor is there a pill, stupid is forever.

Yea I know I rag on men pretty bad I suppose that is why 95% of my followers are women, single, married, dating, and yes confused. I do appreciate everyone who stops by to see what I am ranting over, sometimes I do get off track a little at times, mostly when someone does something stupid. Yea I rag on married men who have to cheat and step outside of their marriage because they cannot control their own home and put their bitch in place. They are scared to talk to their wives about there kinks, and needs, but for the most it is just a fantasy and nothing more it never does last to long. They end up going back home with their head stuck between their ass cheeks and continue to say Yes Dear. Pussy’s.

On the other side of the picture some men well most who are in a D’s or M’s relationship still do not fully understand what they have at hand. They have not a clue about how good things could or can be. They do not have a clue about how every fantasy, or dream, or a life of total bliss could or can come true.

Walk up to your Vanilla wife and say on your knees bitch suck my cock right now. Your going to get this stupid look like REALLY, are you SERIOUS?  Tell your Vanilla wife to strip and spread again that look, then here it comes you feel Stupid, again you can’t fix Stupid.

Men or those who are Dominant or claim to be , or who demand to be called Master do not have a clue about the possibility’s that stands before them. They know what they want but they are not sure how to go about it.

Then for what ever reason most believe or think that the lifestyle is about punishing, spanking, humiliating, degrading, and even physically hurting, and not looking at the mental aspects of what they are doing.

You broke one of my 128 rules bend over and take your punishment, I am going to beat you until you can understand my rules. I will beat you so bad you will think twice before disobeying me.

Yea it does not really work that way. The truth is a Submissive or Slave would not think of breaking a rule. The punishment in their mind is far greater than laying down and taking a beating. The Sub or Slave is more than willing to lay and take what you give, even after the bruising and yes some cuts. Which will most likely be there for weeks to come. Did they really break a rule or did you the Master change one up to fit your needs?

Submissive’s and Slaves thrive on making their owners happy, and will go through great lengths to insure their owner is taking care of. It gives the sub and slave a natural high knowing they have pleased. Even if it is a one way street they thrive on pleasing and the truth is they expect very little in return.

Here is the thing a Submissive or Slave is really looking for very little. Love , acceptance , communication, someone who is truthful. They are looking for guidance, structure, and most of all total understanding of who and what they are. As you can see the list is not really that long.

Most will allow the owner to have more than one, which you know in the vanilla world that would be a total no no. Most will allow you to pass them around like a bucket of popcorn with only the question in their eyes not from their mouths, a look of confusion, but yes most will do so just to please.

There are not many men who have the privilege of calling their woman their BITCH, again call your vanilla wife your bitch, and you get no pussy for two weeks. You can call her your whore, fuck meat what ever comes to mind, and if you wonder why you can refer yourself to what I wrote about what they are looking for.

So you have a woman, who will suck your cock at the snap of a finger, a woman who will spread and allow you to just fuck her without caring if she cums or not. A woman who will dress to please you, even when she does not feel comfortable wearing that mini skirt with no panties in public. A woman who will crawl on the floor like an animal, bark on demand. A woman who just truly wants to please their owner.

Yet after the above we still have those who have the need to abuse, be it physical or mental some still have the need.

We as Dominants are suppose to build up. Yes it is a fact that most who are submissive do have a low self esteem, not all but for the most it is true. So we as Dominants work to build up. We want to take all the hurt and pain away. We want to guide, we want ours to excel, we want to help with dreams, yes dreams can come true.

I believe most who are submissive will take what is giving bad or good. Most will except the pain, knowing they are being accepted. I just do not understand how a Dominant could not feel guilty after a long session knowing the submissive did not enjoy or get anything out of it.

It has been some twenty years now, my first was a total masochist and after the first session I was really scared and there was something inside me that just felt sicking. I had this load of guilt. Even the second and third session I felt guilty. Then it hit me the pain and humiliation is what she wanted and needed. Does this make it right? That would depend on who you talk to some see it as abuse and at times I saw it as abuse.

After our split it took me some years to realize that not every submissive was like sherri, not everyone needed the pain and humiliation. There were females in the lifestyle that were truly scared of me. What made this worse is other Dominants would praise me because of the recognition I had within the community. At that time it made me feel good but as I grew older and wiser, I knew that was not who I wanted to be known as.

We are all different, Dominants, Tops, Bottoms , slaves Submissive’s, and yes those who switch which I never understood. We all want different relationships, some of those who are submissive, only want to submit while in the bedroom, some only want to submit while at home. Then others want to give up full control. Some want to be punished, some want and need to be spanked and spanked hard, some do not want to be spanked at all. I myself am not physical when it comes to punishment.

As I stated the last thing a submissive or slave wants to do is break a rule. If they start to break rules they are acting out because they feel that they should be getting more attention and will do most anything in order to receive the attention they need even if it means breaking a rule.

I believe instead of being physical you can sit down and talk as adults, at times the submissive is looking for more to happen.

I just do not understand, you have a woman submissive or slave who will lay down and spread at anytime, really willing to do just about anything to keep their owner happy, and for what ever reason the Dominant has the need to abuse.

If anyone can figure this out please let me know, because after twenty plus years I still do not have a clue.

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Vile

My Love For Anal Sex

Posted in anal sex, ass fucking, bdsm, Rough Sex, Scared, sex, slave, submissive, Total Submission on June 21, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Total Submission, this is my thoughts when it comes to anal sex. The most private part of the female body, what more could a woman give?

My number two Slave position, on knees bent all the way over hands on ass spreading. This will give your Slave or submissive, the feeling of total submission. Being totally exposed and vulnerable , wide open for the taking, which ever hole you want both are right there.

Depending on my mood I use lube or maybe none at all. You know what is going to happen if I say get the lube and lube my cock. Arianna made that mistake once not knowing what was going to happen, and she just added a little. what a surprise she had. She felt worse in the end knowing she could of added more.

I love the feeling of sliding in and just holding still, allowing her to get adjusted to the feeling, and feeling the ass muscles gripping my cock, then slowly start to pump, until it is game on.

I have talked to a few, and their thoughts were anal sex is just a sex act nothing more, but I tend to disagree. Maybe those were females not capable of feeling or maybe I am just wrong maybe it is just a sex act.

These are my thoughts.

 

Vile

Being depressed Is Not The End Of The World.

Posted in abuse, Advice, anti depression medication, Baggage, bdsm, Bond, Change, codependent, communication, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, disable, Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fear, Health, Humiliation, Kink, Lie, Lies, life, Love, masochist, Master, Mentor, needy, non caring, Paranoid schizophrenia, Patience, proactive aftercare, problems, provocative, sadist, Scared, slave, submissive, TPE on April 19, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Your laying in bed one night reading erotica , and you stumble across a BDSM story. You find it intriguing, interesting. You go to sleep , and the next morning your thinking about the story. During the day the story you read really makes you think. Hmm maybe just maybe this is me. Maybe I am a Slave, maybe this is what I have been missing.

Books are a great source of information, but you are only getting ones opinion. The same if you are depressed and your seeing a doctor, you are only getting ones opinion, you see another doctor and more than likely you will get another opinion. Sometimes in life you have to take what you see, read, and hear with a grain of salt. The Story Of O is a great book. This is the story of ones life. It can give you ideas and thoughts on how you want your life to be, but the truth is you have to find your own Story. You have to start out with an empty book and write it yourself.

I will agree that many of those who are submissive or slaves can be late bloomers. There is a hidden trigger in your brain, and something just flicked the switch, now the search is on. In my time I have never met a Submissive or Slave who did not suffer with some type of depression, anxiety, maybe bipolar, you get the picture. There is a switch in your brain and something turns it on.

Something from childhood, may have happened at a very young age, and your brain has now blocked it, maybe abused at a young age. More extreme raped, or even molested. I have heard all of the above.

I was recently told by a Medical professional that someone who suffers from being bipolar and depression, as well as other mental issues, can live a very healthy life while in the lifestyle under the right conditions. Fucking listen, THE RIGHT CONDITIONS.

Stability is a major factor, a stable home. Structure, in a stable home. Communication in a stable home. The Dominant must try to understand the illness. The Dominant must take part in all treatment. The Dominant must ask questions, after all you are concerned about yours.

The Slave must be honest when seeing Doctors, counselors, Psychiatrist, you have to be honest. Never be ashamed of who and what you are. If you do not talk about your lifestyle, your treatment may not be effective.

I actually thought while speaking with this counselor, I was going to be hammered, I was going to be giving the third degree, just general conversation, but still when she began to explain how under the right conditions a BDSM lifestyle can be healthy. Again this was only ones opinion.

In most cases the Submissive or Slave will bond with one, that being the Dominant. She is looking for support, guidance, structure, and someplace safe and stable. They are afraid when out alone, at times they get manic, the anxiety  level is at an all time high, and mass confusion hits.

There are things a Dominant will have to do in such as relationship, if he truly cares he has to step up to the plate. You know sending your slave to the store cause Anxiety. So you have to make the trip with your slave. Most who are Submissive or a slave cannot handle confrontation, guess what the Dominant has to step up to the plate. If the Submissive or Slave makes a mistake, the Dominant has to fix it. The Dominant may have to make phone calls. The Dominant may have to do most of the cooking, stepping up to the plate.

If you are in the lifestyle as a Dominant just for the pussy, the kink, the physical abuse, you are really not going to give a fuck. What you are doing as the suppose to be Dominant is causing more damage, you are turning on more switches, then poof your going as fast as you came.

Very seldom do you see a Dominant as a late Bloomer. The majority of Dominants have been Dominant since childhood, it is in your personality. Once you become interested in the lifestyle , it can takes years to master your Dominance. As I have stated before I had a few great mentors. Today I have two I confide in.  To this day when I am speaking to an older Dominant you will hear me call him Sir, out of respect.

A man cannot wake one Morning and say I am a Master, that does not happen. You cannot wake one morning and be ready or willing to take on the responsibility of someones life. Be able to guide, put structure into their life, guidelines and be consistent it cannot happen. This is not old school talking this is common sense.

Most who are Submissive or Slaves tend to trust to fast. They truly believe they have found the one. Early on they spill their heart, they share all the good, the bad, and the mistakes they have made. You as the Dominant must take all this information in, you digest it, then you put your plan into motion.

I have seen Dominants use what has been told to them as ammunition, and at some point in the relationship they throw it back in their face causing more hurt. Why would you as a Dominant do such a thing, when you were trusted? The Submissive confided in you, the submissive was being honest.

We as Dominants must be supportive, we must encourage, guide, and walk hand in hand. Although in some cases we do have to allow one to stumble, not fall, at times we have to say Yes, we have to let one make a mistake. You cannot spend your relationship saying no.Even when they stumble we still need to praise the effort that was put into what ever the Submissive or slave was trying to accomplish. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. Stumble but not fall. If for some reason they do fall, we have to be willing to pick up, dust off and continue walking.

Here is the kicker, and this takes much thought. You as the Dominant are getting ready to enter a new found relationship. The Submissive or Slave has just spilled their heart. They suffer from all of the above. You know you are going to have to spend a great deal of time with yours. You may have to give things up in your life, bowling night, Bar night with the buddies, Because you now have someone glued to your side.

You are entering a relationship , you have to think long and hard if you as a Dominant want this type of responsibly, because once you start you are committed. You as the Dominant have giving your word. You will be there no matter what. The crying, the confusion, the midnight phone calls. You cannot complain because you made a promise and a commitment. You have said Play Ball.

Just like the Slave or Submissive the Dominant cannot read a book, if you are a true Dominant what you have is already there. A good mentor can bring the best out, but what you are taught, you have to take bits and pieces and put your own to work, your own style. The way you run your house, your own rules, and protocol. You have to be you.

If you are a Sadist, find a Masochist. Do not take someone who is not into pain and force one to be willing to explore your needs. Physical abuse is not tolerated, and that is what you are doing. Never force one to do something that is unhealthy. In many cases a Submissive or Slave will do things just to please, without thinking of the consequences. You as the Dominant may think everything is fine, when in fact it is not. They will not say anything and let you continue, and what you are doing is chipping away at wood, and eventually the wood will be gone.

Having an illness is not the end of the world for the submissive, they can lead a very productive life, under the right conditions. Please do not think that everyday is going to be cake and ice cream, because if you do you are living in a fantasy world.

You as the Dominate must step up to the plate it may be full or only half. When a problem arises you have to be willing to work through it. Most of all if you really care, you may have to adjust your whole life around the submissive.

It is up to the Dominate to dig deep, what kinds of medication? What are you taking them for. Listen to their story, take it in, digest it, and put it to good use.

You as the Dominant make have to make all the decisions, in everyday life. You have to be willing to accept this task. No matter what you must never complain. Take the Ball and run with it.  Most of all never use their sickness against them, never throw anything back in there face. If you do what you have built you have just destroyed. Everything you have built is now gone, you have to start from scratch, if the submissive will allow you to.

You the Dominant must be in control at all time, there is never a reason to yell, scream, argue, put down, degrade, abuse. You must be in control and not controlling.

Down time is very important. This is needed not for one but for both. I know once I put Arianna to bed, I take a deep breath and then and only then can I relax. This is my down time. It is good to suggest hobbies, allow them to go out for a day without breathing down their neck, the mall, a book store, or just taking a nap. Down Time is crucial and it is a need. This allows the Submissive or Slave to breath, relax, take in the fresh air.  You as the Dominant should suggest the down time, encourage. Allow some freedom, when they are out don’t be blowing their phone up . Allow them to have friends, see family Go with them if asked. Don’t make an excuse why you cant. Do not seem like you are thinking about their request just do it.

With the exception of a few illnesses you can have a healthy relationship. I would say someone who suffers from Paranoid schizophrenia would be a huge no no, unless you have been in a relationship for a very long time.

Most who suffer from any type of illness are visual people. You will see many times a submissive or Slave writing things down. This is the visual. When they are trying to make a decision you may have to communicate the logic part to them. Allow them to be visual encourage them. Writing things down they can see the pros and cons, talk to them about what they are feeling.

You can live a very happy life, if you the Dominant are willing to take the right steps. If you are there just to use, you need to sit back and think of the damage you are doing or have done.

One thing you cannot and must never do is remind the submissive or slave what you have done for them, throw back in their face well where would you be without me.

Karma is a Mother Fucker.

 

Vile

Arianna’s Safe Word

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, blindfold, Body Tape, Bondage, Duct Tape, Flogger, masochist, Master, Safe Call, Safe Word, Scared, session, slave, Spanking, submissive on April 17, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Back in the day I was a full blown Sadist. My first Slave was a total Masochist, with no limits.  As I look back on our relationship there were things I did that I am not proud of today. I did things that I would not attempt or ask of another today. Over the years I have moved away from being a Sadist to more of an M’s relationship without the pain.

Cherri being my first and it was like a game with no rules, although she did guide and instruct me on how and where to hit. I learned much of what I know today from Cherri. I have said all of this before. I was with Cherri for almost seven years, and I never fucked her. I did not want that close feeling, and there was just something about her that did not sit with me right.  Now she did suck a lot of dick, that was a daily thing, as well as Rimming. As far as sex nah I was just not into her like that.

I did allow others to use her. I had two close friends a male who for what ever reason had no luck in picking up women, and an older Domme who had a clit the size of Dallas.

At one time I was feared, a lot of subs and slaves were scared of me. I remember one night I was at a Chinese restaurant with a date, and a friend of mine showed up with a girl, as we were talking his girl said wait , did you use to live in that house on robins street. I said yes for about six years. She started shaking and told Jerry she wanted to go, she did not want to be around me. Then my date looked at me like what the fuck is she talking about.

Over the years I calmed down a lot, , but I did not know if I was capable of having a normal D’s or M’s relationship. I found it very difficult to break away from the pain game.

Then I learned that it had everything to do with feelings. Feelings for the other. Why would you want to hurt someone you cared about? Although I do know Sadist who are Married to Masochist, and they seem to be doing just fine. Another thing most Sadist are poly, having more than one partner.

Once again the poly thing I do not understand. I mean if you have the whole package at home, why look for another.

Now the Safe Word thing, this is a huge controversy, and most in the BDSM community strongly believe in using a Safe Word. Okay so in someways I do still consider myself a Sadist, maybe once a Sadist always a Sadist, it seems you never lose that title.

Those Dominants just entering the lifestyle should use a Safe Word and the Submissive or Slave should insist on a Safe Word. I believe if you are in a long term relationship you get to know your partner and their limits. You know what they can take and what they cannot take.

Well then I am told, you need a safe word so you can push their limits. Each time you session you want to push their limits more than the last time. I myself disagree with that method.

When in a long term relationship more so if you are living together, you form a mental bond, you know what ones limits are, and you care what their limits are, or you should. Pushing one to far I believe can be departmental to ones mental state, I do believe there is a breaking point, and that fear emerges . Once you bring that fear out, it never goes away, just like someone who beats a dog on a regular basis. The dog will cower when called.

I do get rough at times, sexually speaking, but as far as pain, not so much. I can tell when I am starting to spank to hard, and I stop.

The other day we were in a session and I wanted to tie Arianna up. I wanted to know she could not get loose no matter how much she tried. So first red body tape. Clear and about as wide as duct tape. First the wrist almost to the elbow. Then the feet, ankles to midway up the chin. Then my favorite the almighty duct tape. I never put duct tape directly on the skin because it can rip the skin coming off. Then the Blindfold, red body tape, then duct tape, she could see nothing. I have a bull whip that I un-braded, I unwrapped the handle cut the leather strips and made a flogger, I love it.

I am totally quite, just walking around looking down at Arianna, I reach over and lightly touch her and she jumps, she has no idea what I am about to do. Then I reach for my flogger and I start to run the leather up and down her body. Then I begin to strike her with the flogger.

Then I hit right above the clit, Arianna has my first initial cut out in the pubic hair above the clit which is awesome. I strike again then I hear two words. OH FUCK.

Yep Arianna;s safe word, she has had enough, so I stop immediately, no questions asked. OH FUCK that was her breaking point.

Now if I were to play with someone new, or someone I had never been in a  session  with I would insist on a safe word, because I do not know what their limits are. I have been told I am a Masochist, and I reply well you have not met a Sadist like me, so yes a safe word.

While in a session, the Dominant should be in full communication with his partner, so he can insure their safety. Even while in sub-space communication is more important then.

One day I may share some of the things I did with Cherri, I am just not ready yet. I will say if any of you has seen the movie Strange Land with Dee Snyder that would say a lot. Again nothing I am proud of and I would not enter another relationship like that again. I have had other Dominants ask me to session with their slave, just because of the Sadist in me, but I decline.

I like the place I am in. I am content, I am happy. I am me.

 

Vile

Tish and I

Posted in bdsm, Bond, control, Dominants, Ex Dominant, Fear, Health, Molding, needy, Pain, positive reinforcement, Respect, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Scared, slave, submissive on December 18, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

Going on a month, it is really hard to believe I have found someone I can connect with on all levels. The communication has never been better, and pretty much the same kinks.

As far as the BDSM goes Tish has always been a pleaser, and was willing to except most anything to gain acceptance from another,even if it meant pain. I have almost gotten her to the point , to know it is okay to say it hurts.

Tish is more into the B&D part of the lifestyle more so than the S&M although she has experienced both. She has been looking for someone , that she could trust enough to give up total control, someone with a lot of patience.

Tish can be very emotional at times , but I have found with communication, and understanding her more and more, it can be worked out.

Out of the blue yesterday I received a couple of emails from her Ex Dom, who I call Goober, while he was not as rude as he has been in the past, he continued to put all the blame on Tish for their relationship not working. While I did not discard everything he said, I did pay more attention to Tish and her behavior, and so far I have seen nothing true about the way he describes her. Maybe it is because I do have more patience , and I may be a bit more understanding.

He had told Tish he had been in the lifestyle for some twenty years, and she took his word. The emails he has sent me, and our conversations I would say less than two years. He still has not fully grasped the concept of what a D’s relationship is about. One of the things that did catch my eye was the quote. You must take my pain in order for you to show appreciation .

I believe in my younger years I may have something to the same effect. I do know when I was younger I was ego driven, and very self centered , and it was all about me.

We all come with some form of baggage, some is worse than others. So we have to determine the amount, and then the amount we are willing to except. Once we have made a commitment, then we as Dominants must continue to be consistent, keeping our word, and following through with punishment if needed, but at the same time giving positive reinforcement . One has to be able to point out more good than bad. If we spent our day just watching and hoping one would break a rule, how would that effect the sub/slave…

Even if a rule is broken, it must be explained, why the sub/slave is going to be punished. Immediately after the punishment, aftercare should kick in, and begin the conversation with something positive. One negative should equal one positive.

Last night I asked Tish if she had looked over the rules I had sent her, her answer was no, she had not had time. So I had her stand in the corner and read them to me. I do not expect her to learn them word for word, that is just insane, fuck I cannot even remember them, why would I expect her to. What I sent was tailored towards Tish, and no one else . It took me roughly two weeks to put together a set of rules to fit her needs. I did as she asked.

I cannot see nor do I understand how any Dominant could meet a submissive, and hand out a ton of rules the first day of meeting. In most cases the rules are sexual. and really has nothing to do with the submissive.

More to come.

Vile