Archive for the Sane Category

Maybe I Am Not The Right Dominant For You

Posted in 24/7, bdsm, Bipolar, communication, Conform, control, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominants, emotional, Love, Master, Molding, needy, owning a slave, Protocol, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, Self-Discipline, slave, Submission on September 6, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have heard this statement before not to often but have heard it in the past. I can say the only time I have heard it is when the Dominant has to put a little effort into the relationship.

A lot of subsmissive’s or Slaves come with some baggage, I did not say all but some do. Be it past relationships, maybe they suffer from depression, it could really be a number of things. As we enter the relationship we do not enter it blind.

When a submissive or Slave first meets a new Dominant for what ever reason they lay their whole life out on the table, giving up to much information to soon. I am not saying don’t be honest but you should wait a while before you let someone totally into your life.

If you have been honest and upfront with your new Dominant then he does not come into the relationship blind he has a good idea what he is getting into. He then comes up with a plan of action on how to handle things. If a Submissive or Slave has baggage that I will call deep, meaning maybe they suffer from depression, maybe bi-polar which seems to be common, maybe there is a link maybe not, but for an inexperienced Dominant to enter such a relationship is not a very good idea, maybe he should just bow out gracefully, instead of just jumping into the water.

We are not knights on a white horse. We are looking for the same thing, a true commitment , a partner. We cannot fix you, we can offer advice and guidance from past life experiences , we can offer communication, love, and understanding.

It is wrong for a Dominant to enter a relationship knowing there may be some hurdles and not be willing to stick it out. What you do in the end is cause more damage.

I have a friend who is in the same situation he entered a relationship knowing everything. His submissive has on going health problems, suffers from depression, among other things, but he was willing to take the next step.

While in the relationship he was looking for another submissive, his dream to live with two women. To each their own I have done it. It is not all that, and many more problems can pop up. It works for some, while it does not work for others.

So he has bitten off more than he can chew. The words were I love you but maybe I am not the right Dominant for you.

Okay those words face to face run deep, I cannot imagine after a year someone hearing these words. She does need a lot of care, he knew this, she does require protocol he knew this, she does require rules, he knew this, she does require structure again he knew this. She is somewhat of a Masochist he knew this. So he did not enter the relationship blind.

A good Dominant is able to conform to most any type of situation. A good Dominant is able to guide, and lead. It is wrong to lead someone on, and just walk away when the fire gets to hot.

So you have to spend an hour of your day contributing something to the relationship, so you have to spend time making sure your rules are followed, the task you have giving for the day, an hour a day out of your precious time.

Your getting everything you could ever want, without question, but a few hurdles come up then your ready to leave. Wow your going to leave because it takes to much of your time to put a little into a relationship . Even in a D’s or M’s relationship it has to be give and take. You cannot take and take and take and not be expected to give anything in return.

So man up , this is the way it is going to be, my way or no way. I run this fucking house and this is what your going to do. Choices and Consequences.

What happened was he found someone who he thought would fit in their little family, then his submissive had somethings going on, a few hurdles, now he thinks the grass is greener on the other side. The truth is once you jump the fence and your not willing to put any effort into the relationship, you are going to get the same results.

Although I have been Dominant for as long as I can remember, being a Dominant 24/7 is no easy task. It can be mind boggling , confusion at times, but we must never show that we may have concerns or problems. We must show we are in full control at all times. We must show we are a leader in private and public, we must show we are honest and we live by the truth no matter the consequences. We have put a label on our self, now we have to stand tall and show just how we are and what makes us this way.

Saying the words Maybe I am not the Right Dominant for you, shows weakness, it shows you are not in control, or you just do not care.

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Vile

A Comment I posted Last Year To A dear Friend

Posted in abuse, and Respect, anger, Arianna, Asian, Baggage, bdsm, Bond, Cheaters, cheating, Cheating Dominant, communication, control, controlling, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, slave, submissive on April 8, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I speak so much about abuse not only in the lifestyle, but in the vanilla world as well. Abuse turns to confusion, and your really not sure who you can turn to. It can be mental, verbal, and the worst is when it turns physical. One can only be beat down so much before nothing is left. All hope, all your self esteem, then your heart turns cold.

I have seen it many times when a Dominant brings a submissive or slave into their fucked up world. Mental problems, financial, and the best is problems with the EX. The Ex still runs their lives.

This is not a real Dominant. To be a Dominant you must be in full control of your life and surroundings. A married Dominant is not in control of his life, if he was he would be home fucking his wife, being in control of his little family world.

I had problems a couple of years ago. I stepped back to clear my head. I stayed to myself while getting my life back on track. I never gave it a thought to bring someone else into my problems. I slowly worked everything out, and when I was ready, I began my search.

This time was going to be different. I was not going to settle for less. I needed someone to complete me. It was going to be my way or no way. I wanted a true slave. I needed that control.

In a year and a half I dated probably 50 or 60 women. I carried my notes. I had a list made out of what I was seeking. I shared, I said read, and each time they would shake there head no. I did not give up. I knew what I wanted in a slave. I needed that connection. It was no longer about sex, it was the connection. We must be able to be friends first.

I run a strict and well structured home. I control everything. Look up the definition of everything. I micromanage everything, look up the definition of micromanage. It is about me.

I did not demand respect I earned it. I did not ask Arianna to be my slave. Arianna asked me if I would take her as my slave. I do not abuse Arianna in anyway. I give her my full respect, I give her support, structure, and most of all loyalty. Arianna knows no matter what she comes first, nothing else matters. Arianna knows I will drop what I am doing at a moments notice. Arianna knows she can fully trust me, she knows I would never harm her.

To be a Dominant is to be in full control. To be a Dominant is taking full responsibility for someone else.

I stand by my words if you are married and you are fucking around behind your wife’s back you are a piece of shit, you are nothing but scum. You use women to do things your little wife wont do, or your to chicken to bring up the lifestyle. Or you do not have the balls god gave you. You may feel guilty about face fucking your wife so you find another. You are scum, the lowest of life. Do you not think about the possibility of taking something home, and passing it on, or maybe passing something on to another submissive.

It is not fair to bring another into your little fucked up world. Get your head out of your ass and be a man.

Why bring someone else down to your level, the heartache, the confusion, and yes the abuse. Mental scars do not go away bruises do, verbal scars do not go away, bruises do.

So I wrote this response to my dear friend Butterfly, who was going through some hard times. I like her and not only because she is Asian. she is smart and beautiful, with a tender soul. Much Love Girl.

There is someone for everyone, many times we let our emotions overrun our logic. That usually turns to disaster, but before we can recognize it, we are already caught up in a tangled web, and we find it hard to break free.

We want so much for this to be the One we have been searching for, and we fight to make it work, only to find ourselves devoured in a cocoon, and it is too late.

We are there, nowhere to run, it is dark, and confusing. We have been brought down by someone else, we are not part of their world, their problems and insecurities, their anger issues. Things are taking out on us when we did nothing.

Yet we hope, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are reassured that things will get better this is only temporary it will pass, and we will be happy and together.

Insanity is making the same mistake over and over expecting different results.

Then we break free, but the one is still dragging us down. We fight and struggle for air it is so hard to breath, mass confusion, we are withdrawn into their little world.

Once we see the light and we walk through the door, we begin to shut it, the door is oh so heavy, it weighs 5 tons. We push, and push but it seems like it will not close. Then somehow we gather the strength and courage and again we push, and push.

The door closes.

Our back to the door we are breathing so hard, our palms resting against the door, our eyes closed. Yes I made it, I am free of their clutches, they can no longer control me. I am me I am strong, you are weak, leave me alone.

I have struggled with you for so long and you have brought me to the depths of your hell, wanting me to feel like you.

I am free now. I have but two words for you, before I lock this door.

Fuck You.

Vile… 8/21/2012

We Train To Fit Our Needs

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, blow job, Change, Cherish, communication, control, Discipline, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, events, Humiliation, Kink, kinkster, kinky, Master, Masters, Molding, molding your slave, munchs, non caring, oral, oral sex, proactive aftercare, Protocol, Protocol public, provocative, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, sex, sharing, slave, submissive, Task, training your slave on February 27, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

The word train, or training to many sounds really weird even funny to a lot of people.. Training really just consist of implementing new habits.

Why do Dominants train? Because the submissive or slaves seeks that type of attention. Depending on what your mindset is depends on how far you want to carry the lifestyle.

The truth is and I do not think many will disagree with me, those who are submissive live on the lighter side of BDSM. The Dominant sets rules for the submissive but in time he becomes somewhat lax and does not really enforce. The relationship turns more to just kink,unless the submissive does something that is really out of the norm.

A Slave wants to be owned, a slave needs to have that feeling of being owned. A slave needs that structure. A slave needs to know and feel she is needed.

The hardest thing about being in a Master and Slave relationship is being able to hold the everyday consistency. To say what we mean, and mean what we do.

Once you begin to start changing habit, from where the slave is allowed to sit, the food and the amounts of food the slave is allowed. Having her clothes picked out for her, her bath and bed time. The master takes over her life basically, not an easy task by no means.

The house a slave may only have a few places she is allowed to sit. This makes her feel owned, again it becomes a habit. What she wears once home, you limit her clothing if any, again you are adding new habits.

Arianna and I watched the movie The Pet. She enjoyed the movie, not so much the outcome , but seeing the devotion that a pet could have towards her owner really drove home. The thing that really got Arianna to thinking was the speech restriction , she asked if I would be interested in such a relationship. In a way we are somewhat on the same page but only when out at events or munchs. While out that is when the protocol kicks in.

Many submissives and slaves take the lifestyle serious, until they enter into a full relationship. Once they see it really takes a lot of work, one will tend to back off and change their outlook on the type of relationship they are seeking.

Many submissives or slaves make the comments I am an open book, or I am a blank canvas paint me, but once the dominant begins to paint, thoughts rush through the subs mind. Tis is not what she expected. She feels she is giving up to much of herself and more so her freedom.

A slaves outlook is totally different. A slave does not want or require freedom, but and this is a big but, they do need down time. Down time is needed it gives the slave time to breath, relax. If you ran a car for 24 hrs a day it would break down. The same thing can happen with a slave. I give Arianna down time every week. This is her free time to do as she pleases. Right now she is working on a quilt with an old friend of hers. I give one day a week and a couple of hours. At times I can see she may be a little stressed, so I send her to the bedroom for down time. She is allowed to listen to music, or write in her journal.

The down time giving is like I blogged about proactive-aftercare. I am always on the look out to insure Arianna’s well being. She is my responsibility.

In the lifestyle I have those who just love me, then I have those who hate me. The hate comes from how I run my house. The hate comes from me being so open. If I think your bullshitting me, I will call you out on it right there. Those who love me are true friends, and they know what I am about and where I am coming from. Most of those who do not like me are new to the lifestyle. I have nothing against them, today it is more about kink, nothing really to do with BDSM.

If you look at some of the groups today on fetlife, it has really nothing to do with the letters BDSM. The words kinkster is used more often. Even munchs have moved towards the word kinkster, the Dungeon in Orlando now is about kinksters, and not BDSM

Here is the kicker. I have been asked several times if I would share Arianna. I have been asked if they could fuck her, or if I would let her give them head. Really I swear. These are the people who dislike me.

When we as dominants train, we need to look at the needs, not the wants. The idea is to break old habits and create new ones. We take the bad habits away, and replace with good positive habits. The rules should be the same way.

When I was younger my rules were more sexually based, okay so I did not know any better. It really took me a long time to realize I was doing more harm than good. I was only looking out for me. It was about 7 or 8 years into the lifestyle before I found out the slave had to come first.

If you have a dominant and your rules are just based on sex, I would rethink the relationship.Don’t get me wrong I love to fuck, but the relationship runs so much deeper. The thought process should be different, unless your just into the kink of things.

I do use a few of the slave positions , not on a daily basis. I use them to put Arianna back in that frame of mind, they make her feel somewhat humble, and she feels some humiliation, again not everyday. As long as they continue to serve there purpose I will continue to use, I tend to change things up to keep Arianna off guard.

Okay today I am just rambling , this was something that just popped in my head.

 

Vile

Do You Really Want To Live In Total Servitude / Solitude

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Aftercare, anticipation, Arianna, bdsm, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, Bond, Change, codependent, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Discipline, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, events, forced sex slaves, Health, life, Loyal, Master, Masters, molding your slave, morals, munchs, needy, non-consensual, Owned Slave, owning a slave, Patience, relationships, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, serve, slave, Stockholm syndrome, submissive, Total Servitude / Solitude, Total Solitude, TPE, training your slave on February 19, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Stockholm syndrome, Patricia Campbell Hearst, who was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army, but later joined them in their fight. Patty went through a form of Stockholm.

As one would living in a Master and Slave relationship. Total servitude, total solitude. No connection with the outside world. The only contact with anyone would be when your Master allowed, or perhaps when he had company over.

At one point I was seeking a total servitude slave, I searched for about six months, and I came across several slaves who were interested, but after giving it deeper thought, I began to look at both sides of the coin. The good and the Bad. The cost for one could really sky rocket, if the Master and Slave were not married, I am speaking of just healthcare alone. Between 600 and 900 a month alone for a private policy.

The side effects could be more dangerous though I do believe. Total solitude, being trained to fit one mans needs. At his service 24/7 be it sexual or domestic.

Arianna and I watched the movie The Pet last week, besides the ending and what the slaves were being used for Arianna really liked it. I explained that human trafficking was alive and well today. In the movie The Pet, which was a real disappointment to the BDSM community, was not only based on human trafficking, but the selling of organs. The Pets were being conditioned and brought to perfect health. Once achieved they were sold on the open market.

The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime stated that there were 2.4 million people around the world who are victims of human trafficking at any given time in 2012.

80 percent of the victims were involved in sexual services.

The UNODC also stated that human trafficking is a $32 Billion market.

Living as a Slave in total solitude, in service to one, would be much like Stockholm syndrome. In a short time, I am speaking a few weeks to a month, I believe you would begin to lose some of your senses. You would begin to lose the ability to think on your own. You would have to be told every move to make, even cooking or how to do laundry.

If you just take the time to sit back and think of how a relationship such as this would work. It may seem fine for a short period, but being in contact with one one, being trained, and fully conditioned to serve. Even after a short time if company did come over, to the slave it would be like no one is even there, your only care would be your master and owner.

The Pet, although it was just a movie, the way it was explained, Any man or woman could be forced to sever as a slave, but after a short time it would become willingly. You begin to lose senses, the ability to care, in some cases even think. Your only purpose or care would be to serve,and serve without question.

I do not want you to think that a lifestyle as such is not real in today’s times, I can almost promise you it is. Just as women being sold into slavery.

This all sounds bad but it gets worse. The Master and Slave are together for lets say a period of five years. The Master becomes ill, and passes away. Where does this leave the slave? How does the slave now function on her own? How does the slave begin to provide for herself?

I have heard through the grapevine , that a Master would choose another master if he should become ill or perhaps be in some kind of accident. The other Master would then step in, and take over. I have only heard of this I have never seen it first hand. I am not sure if I would or could trust someone else enough to take care of my property.

So living in a Master / Slave total servitude / Solitude relationship. In just a period of weeks the slave would go through some major transformations. You would begin to lose your thought process. You would begin to not care, and deeper into the relationship it would be hard for the slave to comprehend the slaves surroundings. Your only purpose in life would be the one who owned. Again this is just my opinion.

Those who have gone through deprivation of some type, for more than several hours would suffer from the same disorders, I do not think the effects would be long term, but after only a couple of hours you begin to lose some of your senses. After being in a deprivation tank longer than a couple of hours, the slave would need some major aftercare. Just to bring back to reality.

Pretty Interesting.

Consensual Slavery.

n BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual (the submissive) gives to another (the dominant) ultimate authority over them. It is a form of dominance and submission. The participants may be of any gender or sexual orientation. The relationship is structured in terms of slavery, because of the association of the term with ownership of the slave and the rights of a master to their body, as property or chattel. The dominant is often called Master if male, or Mistress if female.

The owner/slave relationship is usually entered into on a consensual basis, without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery, which is forbidden by the laws of most countries.

Outside the BDSM community, the relationship of Master/slave is sometimes regarded as a form of consensual sexual slavery. In BDSM, a slave is a specific type of submissive. The master/slave relationship refers to the relationship between the individuals involved, and does not necessarily require any specific acts, sexual or otherwise, though sexual activity is usually an aspect of the relationship. The sexual aspect could be conventional, and not necessarily BDSM. A slave could also be a masochist or bottom, but this is not always the case.[1]

Some participants regard the relationship as sexual roleplay, while others enter into the relationship on the basis of a highly committed, long-term, submissive lifestyle.

Some practitioners feel the difference between submissive and slave is the degree of submission. However, many who are involved in Master/slave relationships see the difference as being conceptual. For example, some slaves may not have a naturally submissive personality, but choose to surrender their will and volition to another.

Non-Consensual Slavery

Slavery is a system under which people are treated as property to be bought and sold, and are forced to work.[1] Slaves can be held against their will from the time of their capture, purchase or birth, and deprived of the right to leave, to refuse to work, or to demand compensation. Historically, slavery was institutionally recognized by many societies; in more recent times slavery has been outlawed in most societies but continues through the practices of debt bondage, indentured servitude, serfdom, domestic servants kept in captivity, certain adoptions in which children are forced to work as slaves, child soldiers, and forced marriage.[2] There are more slaves in the early 21st century than at any previous time but opponents hope slavery can be eradicated within 30 years.[3]

Slavery predates written records and has existed in many cultures.[4] The number of slaves today remains as high as 12 million[5] to 27 million.[6][7] Most are debt slaves, largely in South Asia, who are under debt bondage incurred by lenders, sometimes even for generations.[8] Human trafficking is primarily used for forcing women and children into sex industries.[9]

In pre-industrial societies, slaves and their labour were economically extremely important. Slaves and serfs made up around three-quarters of the world’s population at the beginning of the 19th century.[10]

In modern mechanised societies, there is less need for sheer massive manpower; Norbert Wiener wrote that “mechanical labor has most of the economic properties of slave labor, though … it does not involve the direct demoralizing effects of human cruelty.

I was speaking with a Dom at a munch recently , and he was telling me he was looking for a Master / Slave consensual and non-consensual relationship. When I asked him to elaborate on the subject in more detail, he told me he could not because he did not know me well enough. As of now he is single, but his target is to have four slaves living at home.

The fact is, while in a Master and Slave enter a relationship, even if not total servitude or solitude. The slave goes through a slight transformation. The slave comes to know she only has one to answer to. Great care must be giving for those who work. The slave needs to know it is okay for a supervisor to give orders. I am speaking from experience. The slaves world only revolves around her owner. The slave becomes dependent upon her owner. Great care must be giving, not to take advantage of what has been giving. The slave becomes codependent, again great care must be giving. The amount of trust giving is probably a unheard of number.

This is why it is very important to allow the slave to interact with others. Like munch’s friends and most importantly family. Family should always come first no matter what. A golden rule never try to come between a slave and her mother, it will not work, no matter how fucked up you think the mother is., again speaking from experience.

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Vile

BDSM And Mental Health

Posted in abuse, bdsm, counselor or Psychiatrists, Cymbalta (duloxetine), Effexor (venlafaxine), Paranoid schizophrenia, problems, Protocol, Prozac (fluoxetine) Celexa (citalopram) Zoloft (sertraline) Paxil (paroxetine) Lexapro (escitalopram), Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, session, slave, submissive, Wellbutrin (bupropion) on February 16, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is a very touchy subject, but when considering a submissive or a slave one should think very hard before entering a relationship.

In today’s times I would say over half of the population is on some form of anti-depressant. This is not a bad thing, but I have met many who abuse the medication, and some who even sell what they are giving.

The most common antidepressants prescribed to patients are those belonging to a class called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

  • Prozac (fluoxetine)
  • Celexa (citalopram)
  • Zoloft (sertraline)
    • Paxil (paroxetine)
    • Lexapro (escitalopram) Other commonly used antidepressants include serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), which inhibit the reuptake of another neurotransmitter called norepinephrine, in addition to serotonin. This class includes antidepressants such as Effexor (venlafaxine) and Cymbalta (duloxetine). In addition, the antidepressant Wellbutrin (bupropion) is a popular choice. Wellbutrin works in a unique fashion, acting upon the neurotransmitter dopamine, and does not fit into any specific drug class. Like SSRIs, these antidepressants are popular choices because they have fewer side effects than the older antidepressants.
    • Before agreeing to enter a relationship the Dominant should take great care in getting to know the submissive or slave. The main factor being the Dominant , is the Dominant willing to take on such a task.
    • I believe many who are depressed are looking for acceptance. I also believe a Dominant who suffers from any type of depression  should avoid a D’s relationship. This is just my opinion. We as Dominants need to be in full control of our lives, public and private. We as Dominants need to be fully in control of our actions at all times. After all why would we want to drag someone into a place that we cannot control, much less trying to control someone else .

    Some twenty years ago I met Sherry, she was the first slave I had ever met. I knew she suffered from Manic Depression, but at that time I did not fully understand. If I had understood, I probably would not of even entered a relationship with her. Now that I look back much of the relationship might of been abuse, although I never did anything over her limits.

  • I have met very few who were submissive or a slave who were not on some type of medication, for depression or worse.

Arianna does take medication for depression, and this was something I did consider before entering a relationship. I had emailed her Ex Dominant and he even pointed out the fact about her medication. I took much of what he said with a grain of salt, because I had not seen or experienced what he was talking about. I will say Arianna is very emotional at times, but what woman is not or cannot be.

I can say this in the 3 months we have been together she has made a 360 degree turn around. Each day is getting better and better. This is due to the communication, the guidelines she has to follow, and the daily structure in her life. I call it a tight leash.

To enter a relationship with a submissive or slave who suffers from more than depression should be avoided. This is not fair to the sub or slave, and taking on the task of a Dominant could really wear one down. I believe for instance one who suffers from lets say Paranoid schizophrenia or worse should avoid a relationship that has anything to do with D’s or M’s. I believe someone who suffers from Paranoid schizophrenia does not have the ability to make clear and stable decisions when entering such a relationship. I also believe a Dominant who crosses that line, it would be considered abuse. I have been guilty of trying to enter such a relationship, but after much thought, I knew there was no possible way such a relationship could work, nor would it be fair to the submissive.

Also something to consider if a submissive or slave does suffer from some type of depression and they are seeing a counselor or  Psychiatrists it is best if possible to find one who is lifestyle friendly. Most in the medical field are not because they do not fully understand. Just because you read about BDSM does not mean you have an understanding of the lifestyle. One has to live the lifestyle to have any type of clue, so most in the medical profession are close minded , and are against one entering such a relationship.

It is possible to find medical professionals who are lifestyle friendly, and it would be best if both parties attended sessions.

These are just my thoughts and opinion. It does not mean that everyone is going to agree with me. I look forward to hearing from those with different opinions.

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Vile

Proactive Aftercare

Posted in Aftercare, bdsm, Bond, control, Conversation, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, ethics, Health, Love, Master, needy, Patience, proactive aftercare, problems, relationships, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, session, sex, slave, Sub Drop, sub-space, submissive, TPE, Trust on February 10, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Those who are submissive are very needy, I believe slaves are more needy on many different levels. Being proactive in a 24/7 live in relationship is really important. I do believe it takes a lot more interaction and communication than a vanilla relationship. I know I keep bringing this up but if I am really anal about something, I feel the need.

When most say aftercare, the term is used mainly after play, be it just intense bondage, hard spanking, humiliation, you get the picture, but the fact is aftercare should be an on going process play or no play.

The needy is much different than a regular relationship. While I do not still understand how the neediness factors in with subs and slaves, if you are in a D’s relationship it is more noticeable.

I like the word Proactive, the after care is on going, never ending, and along with such care comes a great deal of responsibility. I cannot speak enough on being consistent, that is something that took me many years to master, listening also plays a huge factor , along with much needed communication.

I have said a hundred times that sub-drop can be prevented, and I truly believe this. Sub-drop does accrue mainly while in a long distance relationship, or when two are not 24/7. It is not to say even if you are 24/7 that it cannot happen, but if you are paying your sub or slave the attention they need, the chances of sub-drop are indeed very slim.

Sub-drop the opposite of sub-space can last anywhere from Ten minutes to a couple of days or more. Again the drop happens mostly when two are not 24/7.

This is a Time when the Dominant should step up to the plate and be who he is, and nothing less. If you are not 24/7 you really have a lot on your hands, and may end up spending hours on the phone, until they have calmed down. Sub-space can be just as bad as a drop, and the same attention should be giving.

At times after real intense play a submissive or slave may want to be left alone for a short time, so they are able to gather their thoughts, and figure out their surroundings, before talking or being held.

After care is looked over way to often, as many dominants really do not see the need, some believe, some do not.

The bottom line is, if you take care of your property, and run a well managed care program, the relationship will be unlike any other.

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Vile

My Relationship is not a Democracy

Posted in abuse, Aftercare, and Respect, bdsm, Bdsm events, communication, control, Discipline, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, events, Health, Master, munchs, owning a slave, Patience, Punishment, Respect, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, session, Spanking, submissive, TPE, Vanilla on February 4, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

We attended a Munch this past Friday, and I was somewhat appalled at the way some people, not only Submissive’s or Slaves were acting, I found it to be total disrespectful.

The group is called MAST Masters and Slaves Together. The Dominant who runs or Host the much is really okay, although him and I have never seen eye to eye. A slave made some bad comments about me, and instead of coming to me, he took everything to heart. If it had not been for others in the community who truly knew me, the outcome could of been much worse. Now I think we just tolerate each other more than anything. The first MAST Tish and I attended he was very respectful to me, but you could still feel the tension.

What I get tired of is others telling me what I should be doing and what I should not be doing. This really gets on my nerves to no end. With other things going on right now yesterday I just about blew a fuse. At the munch I pretty much Stayed quite, although at times I did jump in and give my opinion. Instead of not speaking my mind, I held it in and it was a slow burning fuse for a couple of days.

Here is the thing, I am not talking about Subs right now. This is about Slaves, more so my Slave. My slave is my business, my slave is my property. My slave is my partner. My slave is my bitch.

My relationship is not a Democracy. There are no votes. Although at times I may ask for Tish’s / Arianna’s opinion, and I would respect what she had to say, and I would listen as well.

I run my house, I am head cheese. I am the man, and no one else is going to tell me what I should be doing and what I should not be doing. I find it very disrespectful, when another Dominant tries to stick his nose in someplace where it does not belong.

Well now what Volume book of BDSM did you get your information from? I have yet to find a fucking book that says BDSM 101. If someone has seen this book I would like a copy. A dominant telling me what I should and should not be doing, and he cannot even run his own house. Really?

Tish and I have a very good relationship, many in the lifestyle do not agree with a micromanagement relationship. I know this type of relationship is not healthy, it can be if it is done long term. Short term can be very harmful.

Okay so when you agree to a relationship, and a Dominant tells a slave he can meet her needs, but in midstream you change the rules, which is more unhealthy?

Tish and I fit like a glove, Wow I found someone who has the same needs. Is micromanagement easy? Not on your life, it is probably one of the most difficult relationships in the community. It is a lot of responsibility, and the days can be very long. I am not complaining, I thrive having a challenge.

While at the Munch others were speaking to me about punishment. Well the truth is I have only punished Tish one time in a three month period. I normally do not spank but I felt this was the best way to get my point across, and she had to complete a task while being spanked.

When I made the comment Tish is the most compliant slave I have ever met or known, I was asked the question where is the challenge in her? Does there have to be a challenge? I would think not.

I did not even want to punish Tish, I felt very bad before, during and more so after. The thing is, if I did not follow through, where would her respect level of been for me?

At the munch there is one other Dom, him and I have about the same idea as far as how a house should be ran. He wants four slaves who wants to live in total solitude. Think about it four women under the same roof.  So now he has to put a roof over five people, food for five people. Provide medical for four people, not to mention all the Tampons he would have to by.

I may not agree with how some treat their Subs or slaves, but you know what? It is non of my fucking business, and to tell you the truth I could careless. If something works for them then so be it.

To come to me and tell me I am doing something wrong, man please.

I do share somethings, there are somethings that are more private that I do not share, and I will never share. Just as it takes a very special slave to be with me, it takes a very special Dom to be with Tish / Arianna. There is not anyone who knows her the way I do. There is not anyone who can even come close or could even imagine the care she needs, just in her daily life. No one could imagine the communication that is needed on a daily basis. No one could understand her emotionally, and meet her needs. More so the aftercare that is needed on a daily basis, when play is not even evolved.

Now to the scary part. A slave comes to a Dominant, and says here I am do what you need to do, I will give you everything. I want you to control my life. You can do to me what you want, I will lay on my back and spread at the snap of a finger. Even for most slaves not to mention submissive’s, that is a lot to give up.

The key is finding a Dominant who is going to put the slaves best interest first, and not take advantage of her. A dominant who is going to think things out before acting. A dominant who is going to think about choices and consequences.

My relationship is not a Democracy, and it never will be. I run my ship and Tish follows, but she chooses to follow, she needs to follow. This does not mean she is weak, she is far from weak. Tish is very smart. At work she has a great deal of responsibility. Tish is also very beautiful, she has a body built for sin.

Many people who follow my blog do not agree with who and what I am. I understand that. I would hope that everyone would not agree with me. More so want to submit in the ways I need. I am me and I refuse to change who or what I am.

It is Tish and Vile.  You take care of your Bitch and ill take care of mine.

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Vile

Why a Slave and not a Submissive

Posted in 24/7, bdsm, Bestslavetraining.com, Bond, Busy, chain, Change, codependent, Collars, Consensual, control, Conversation, Discipline, discussion group, Dominants, emotional, events, Friends, life, Master, Masters, molding your slave, munchs, needy, Open Minded, Protocol, relationships, Respect, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, slave, Task, Text, TPE, training your slave on January 8, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

 

Once I fully recovered from my break up with Bea, I began to search yet again for the one. The one who was suppose to fill that void. The one who was suppose to be my best friend and submissive.
It is funny to a submissive I am very strict, almost unbearable, no breathing room. To a slave I am not strict enough. A week ago I posted about my daily life. How many of those who are submissive could endure a daily life as such. To a slave at times I am not in control of enough, and at times I am not strict enough.
Being a Dominant over a slave is much more in depth than a Dominant over a submissive, the control is much different, and I do believe the bond runs much deeper.
The training, every time I bring up the word train it sounds out of place, but in fact that is what we as Dominants are doing. It even runs as deep as making some behavioral modifications. We control time, we control almost every movement, we control food, bath, sleep, and dress. We who are in a relationship with a slave, are in control nearly 24/7.
Yesterday I gave Tish some down time, to relax, her own space. I saw that it was much needed, even before yesterday. To do what ever she wanted, listen to music, her journal, or sleep which she has no problem with, Tish is like cat when it comes to sleep.
So the training process, every Slave is different, every slave has different needs. I had implemented many things. I had taking control of almost her daily life. Even to to point of cutting her spending down.  This was her needs, this is what she told me she needed, so I had to sit down and come up with a workable plan, so that she would still be able to function in everyday life. It is almost like upgrading windows in your computer. The one thing you have to make certain is, every step you take, you have to insure everything is about the slave, everything is about the betterment of the slave.  Just as the rules and guidelines should be.
It really kills me to see a submissive show me a copy of their rules, and yes I do get rules emailed to me. The rules state you must worship your master cock. You must worship your masters body. You will suck my cock on demand.
The truth is for those of you who are not spending 24/7 together , the submissive spends more time sucking cock than having actual sex, so at least you know where you stand in the relationship. Do not even say its not true, because I am guilty of having subs do the same thing back in the day. We go a couple of months without seeing you, then I wake and think man I need some good head.
Tish and I attended our first munch Friday night, another Dom had stopped by and picked us up. Tish was really nervous about going and being around other people. I was not nervous but the last time I had seen the Dom who was hosting the munch we were almost nose to nose in a heated argument. I must say things were much different, both of us were very welcomed, E and I got along very well. Tish did relax and was able to give her input into a couple of different topics that were covered.
On the way to the munch Tish was somewhat nervous, it was her first, and did not know what to expect. So I get a text from Tish who is sitting in the back seat, and Rob ask me if she just text me. I answered yea why. Robs reply was I was enabling her. Well while I did not answer her, this is an agreement Tish and I have about open communication, and she felt what she had to say was only for me, and I fully understood.
So the training process is off to a good start, I know I get off track at times. The fact is a Master/ Slave relationship is well and alive today. It is hard for some of the submissives to see that type of a relationship in a visual sense. Or even a submissive living such a life.
The Slave is the one who ask the Master if he will take her as his slave. The slave lays out the ground work of how she see’s an M’s relationship in her eyes. She tells the master what she needs out of the relationship. Then the Master either agrees he can or he cannot.

Tish is not difficult, we are at a Micromanagement type relationship. What rights does she have? Only the rights I allow.Now before anyone jumps to any conclusion all of this has been discussed in great detail. The relationship is about the slaves needs, not wants but needs. The idea situation is to slowly implement rules, or as I call guidelines. Doing so slowly but being consistent does not overwhelm the slave. A slow gradual process  so nothing is really noticed, or if it is noticed, it is not enough to bring on any stress.

So during the munch we were all talking about 24/7 TPE Total Power Exchange. E made the comment that if were really in a TPE I would have control over Tish’s bank account. My reply was as a matter of fact I do have complete control over her bank account, and she is held accountable for everything she spends. The conversation ended there. Although I do have control, I do not touch her money. Her money is just that. Again this is control she wanted to give up.

To me a TPE is an ideal relationship for me anyway. The thing that is almost impossible is to find a Dominant who is not going to take advantage of the slave, not only on an emotional level, but mental as well.

Being with a slave is not just fun and games like most think. I hear men all the time, make statements on how they would love to have a relationship like mine, but when I explain all the details, they just look at me.

I do not have a book or an manual to go by, I do not have a check list I go by, everything is stashed away upstairs. Now what I have to do is remember everything, and stay consistent in the relationship. Another important factor is our life is not surrounded by just BDSM , we are best friends, we talk and laugh. We play cards together. Then the most important part is our nightly talks face to face on the bed, before I allow her to sleep. Once she enters the bed , she picks up her chain and I lock it around her neck, then our conversation begins. I prefer a chain to lets say leather cuffs or a leather collar because a chain gives her a greater piece of mind, she feels more owned. I will say she sleeps very peaceful.

I have tried relationships with those who are submissive, and it never works. I need the control, it is a 24/7 need. I do not have a switch I can turn on and off. The above is why I needed to be in a relationship with a slave and not a submissive..

One site I have found to be very helpful over the years. is called Best Slave Training. I truly recommend this to all Dominants. It is not to be used word for word, but to read and understand, and implement your own style of training.

http://bestslavetraining.com/

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Vile

Verbal and Written Slave Contracts

Posted in 24/7, abuse, bdsm, communication, Fear, Health, Honesty, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Safe Call, Safe Word, Sane, Scared, selfish, sharing, slave, Slave Contract, Verbal contract on December 12, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

Slave contract is something I have not seen blogged about here, so I wanted to give my input on the subject.

There are those who truly take the lifestyle very serious, and feel more comfortable when a slave contract is in place. Then some Dominants feel they need that kind of power in place for what ever reason. Then at times a slave who does not know any better will agree, just to please.

The most common is the verbal. Some Dominants who need this kind of power will try to impose such conditions on a new submissive or slave. The slave really has no idea, and has probably ran across a contract on the net at some point. The verbal contracts are usually taking to the extreme, and can change on a daily basis to fit the Owners needs, just as rules seem to change to fit the owners needs.

The second is the written contract. Why this is really needed I do not have a clue. I suppose it could make the slave feel more secure, and needed. Truly feel owned to have a purpose.I would never ask for such a thing, I may consider if it was something the slave felt it was a need.

Before you enter a relationship, you pretty much lay all the cards out on the table, so each knows what to expect. Both know their places, so I really see no need for a contract.

Under some contracts a Dominant at times takes things to an extreme. Timed sex, oral, and even sharing. Cleaning , cooking, and so on, everything is timed. The slave has no down time. The contract usually goes one way and has no true benefit for the slave. A one way contract.

Many slaves will sign or agree to a verbal out of fear. Either losing someone they care about, or the fear of punishment.

It does not matter the contract, the slave has rights as well. This is over looked way to often, and most Dominants will fail to bring that part of the contract up.

The slave has the right to have an open line of communication.The other day I said something, and Tish asked if I could clarify what I had just said. The slave has the right to be safe at all times. The slave has the right to refuse to do anything that may cause harm or be illegal. The slave has the right to refuse anything that may put her career in jeopardy. The slave has the right to a safe word if they should choose.  The slave has the right to not be shared.

The other day a Friend of mine who owns three slaves came to visit from Daytona. He did bring his favorite with him, and his main topic was Tish. Instead of him asking he had his slave bring the subject up about sharing. I made it very clear I shared nothing. I do not mind someone looking, but to touch is totally out of the question. I knew why he had her bring it up. He knew I would not get upset with his slave, or say anything disrespectful. I can understand his way of thinking. Tish has a body built for sin..

I then brought up the question why one would need to own more than one. His answer was to add spice.

Before I enter a relationship I lay everything out on the table. My needs and what I expect out of the relationship. That is my spice. I get anything I want at home, so there is no need to stray.

Below is a sample contract, kinda mild compared to some of the others floating around out there.

Sample

Author Unknown

NOTE: It should go without saying that a “contract” such as this is not legally binding. Documents such as these are intended only to provide a fantasy environment for extended role-playing.

1.0.0 Slave’s Role

The slave agrees to submit completely to the master in all ways. There are no boundaries of place, time, or situation in which the slave may willfully refuse to obey the directive of the master without risking punishment, except in situations where the slave’s veto (see section 1.0.1) applies. The slave also agrees that, once entered into the Slavery Contract, their body belongs to their master ,, to be used as seen fit, within the guidelines defined herein. All of the slave’s possessions likewise belong to the master , including all assets, finances, and material goods, to do with as they see fit. The slave agrees to please the master to the best of their ability, in that they now exist solely for the pleasure of said master .

1.0.1 Slave’s Veto

The slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over any command given by the master , at which time they may rightfully refuse to obey that command. This power may only be invoked under the following circumstances, or where agreed by both master and slave:

  1. Where said command conflicts with any existing laws and may lead to fines, arrest, or prosecution of the slave .
  2. Where said command may cause extreme damage to slave’s life, such as losing their job, causing family stress, etc.
  3. Where said command may cause permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0) to the slave .
  4. Where said command may cause psychological trauma to the slave, such as a rape scene for a slave that has been raped in the past.

2.0.0 Master’s Role

The master accepts the responsibility of the slave’s body and worldly possessions, to do with as they see fit, under the provisions determined in this contract. The master agrees to care for the slave , to arrange for the safety and well-being o f the slave , as long as they own the slave . The master also accepts the committment to treat the slave properly, to train the slave, punish the slave, love the slave, and use the slave as they see fit.

3.0.0 Punishment

The slave agrees to accept any punishment the master decides to inflict, whether earned or not.

3.0.1 Rules of Punishment

Punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0). Punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse:
1. Blood may not be drawn at any time. Punishment must stop immediately if blood is drawn
2. Burning the body
3. Drastic loss of circulation
4. Causing internal bleeding
5. Loss of consciousness
6. Withholding of any necessary materials, such as food, water, or sunlight for extended periods of time

4.0.0 Permanent Bodily Harm

Since the body of the slave now belongs to the master , it is the master’s responsibility to protect that body from permanent bodily harm. Should the slave ever come to permanent bodily harm during the course of punishment or in any other slavery related activity, whether by intention or accident, it will be grounds for immediate termination of this contract, should the slave so desire. Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as:

  1. Death
  2. Any damage that involves loss of mobility or function, including broken bones.
  3. Any permanent marks on the skin, including scars, burns, or tattoos, unless accepted by the slave .
  4. Any loss of hair, unless accepted by the slave .
  5. Any piercing of the flesh which leaves a permanent hole, unless accepted by the slave .
  6. Any diseases that could result in any of the above results, including sexually transmitted diseases.

5.0.0 Others

The slave may not seek any other master or lover or relate to others in any sexual or submissive way without the master’s permission. To do so will be considered a breach of contract, and will result in extreme punishment. The master may accept other slaves or lovers, but must consider the slave’s emotional response to such actions and act accordingly. Under no circumstance should the master allow such actions to unbalance the slave emotionally, or allow such actions to result in ignoring the slave .

The master may give the slave to other masters, provided the rules of this contract are upheld. In such a situation, the master will inform the new master of the provisions stated herein, and any breach by the new master will be considered a breach by the master as well, subject to all rules stated in this contract.

6.0.0 Secrecy

All physical evidence of the slavery will be kept in total secrecy, except where both master and slave agree. Any violation of this clause shall be cause to terminate this contract, should the injured party wish it. The materials and physical evidence shall be kept under lock and key in a place acceptable to both parties.

7.0.0 Alteration of Contract

This contract may not be altered, except when both master and slave agree. If the contract is altered, the new contract shall be printed and signed, and then the old contract must be destroyed.

8.0.0 Termination of Contract

This contract may be terminated at any time by the master , but never by the slave, except under special conditions explained within this contract. Upon termination, all physical evidence of the slavery, including this contract, will be destroyed, and all materials and belongings shall belong to the master , to be shared or kept as they see fit. The slave , owning nothing and having agreed to give up all worldly possessions and body to the master , shall once again own their body, but nothing else, unless the master decides to give back their possessions.

9.0.0 Slave’s Signature

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to give everything I own to my master, and further accept their claim of ownership over my physical body. I understand that I will be commanded and trained and punished as a slave, and I promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasures and desires of my master to the best of my abilities. I understand that I cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.

Signature:____________

9.0.1 Master’s Signature

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this slave as my property, body and possessions, and to care for them to the best of my ability. I shall provide for their security and well-being and command them, train them, and punish them as a slave. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to the slave as long as they are mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.

Signature:____________

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Vile

The Different Dominants

Posted in abuse, Aftercare, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Safety, Beatings, Bond, Breaking a Slave, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Daddy, Daddy Dom, Discipline, Domestic Abuse, Dominants, events, extreme, Fake Dominants, Health, Honesty, Humiliation, kinky, masochist, Master, Masters, Meeting, munchs, oral, oral sex, Pain, passion, pony play, Protocol, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, Safe and Sane, Safe Word, Sane, Scared, self confidence, sex, sex slaves, slave, Spanking, Stalker, submissive, sucking dick, TPE, training your slave, younger women, your own pet on November 26, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

Everyone is different, we all have different needs. Subs and slaves have different needs. Some need strict discipline , some need more structure than others, some have the need for pain and humiliation, some have the need to be broken, and built back up. Some have very few to no limits, while others have a list a mile long.  Some want massive amounts of attention, while some are introverts and really has no need to be cuddled. The Daddy Dominants is big on after care, he needs this time just as his baby girl does.

What ever your kink is, there is a Dominant to fit your needs. In out lifestyle it can take a while to find the one. The one who fills all voids. Then there are some who will give a little, bend if he is truly interested in someone.

The number one sought after Dominant is the Daddy Dom. In most cases he is much older than his submissive. He is very loving, caring, and seems to be understanding. He wants his little girl to succeed in life. He is there to give loving guidance. He does most of the cooking as well. The two together love attention, always hand in hand. The Daddy Dom is based more on discipline and structure. He is more of an over the knee spanker, or corner time dominant. Some are not very strict at all. It is the loving, supportive, and understanding features the Baby Girl is after.

Next the the lowest of all Dominants The Fake Predator, the on your knees bitch. He is cool with words, he tells you just what you want to hear, he preys on your problems, your weakness’s. They fact that one is needy makes his strike more dangerous. He is in a rush to meet, He demands you wear a skirt, most of the time nothing under. He will insist on booking a room. He has to rent a room because he is married. He demands sex on the first meet, he has brought a small bag of toys or just uses his belt. He will want to collar you on the first meet. Give you rules that you know you are unable to follow. He will hurt you, not only in the physical , but mentally. He will degrade you, humiliate to make you feel worthless.He will never take you to BDSM events. He will insist you are all he needs. He will slowly cut you off from friends, and sometimes even family. I have seen it take up to a year before the sub or slave figures this out. 99% of the time he preys on someone new to the lifestyle.

Next is the Doctor Dominant, the fixer. His prey are weak subs, those who are covered in problems, they feel they have no where to run to. Then this knight in shinning armor shows up with open arms. This relationship is not about sex, although in the beginning sex is often, then it dwindles down to nothing. Once he feels he has fixed the challenge is gone, he will move on to his next challenge. Or if he cannot fix he will pace all the blame on the submissive.

The sadist. His pleasure is your pain, humiliation , degrading. He is always thinking of new ways to use you. He craves the pain and fear in your eyes. He cannot function properly during sex without inflicting some type of pain. He needs little attention, as a matter of fact he would rather put you in a closet until he is ready to use again. It seems he is unable to feel, unable to show any type of emotion, and unable to love. To a masochist this is her dream relationship. On the lighter side, he will take care of his, although he will push, he will not cause any permanent damage. You break your toy, you cannot play. Any limits are those giving to you by him. Again this just like any other is a consensual based relationship.

The Trainer. A dominant pet owner be it pony play, puppy, kitten. This is not in a lot of cases a sexual relationship, if it is it is not based on bestiality. Very strict but very loving he cares for his animals. This part of the lifestyle takes a lot of dedication, and patients.  I do not understand, but again to each their own.

I call the confused. The Switch Dominant. I never really got this type, owning a submissive being in control, but have the ability to submit to another. Most male Switches are Bi sexual. as well. Those I know and are friends are very good dominants, I just do not understand. I find it hard when a submissive or slave can watch her dominant submit to another, and still respect. To each their own I am not judging.

Mr Cocky , the Ego Dominant, purely Ego driven. He is the one you see in leather, with no shirt. The sub or slave responds to the snapping of fingers. He is verbally abusive in most cases and at time can be physical. He wants to know why it took you 30 minutes at the store when it should of only took 29 minutes. He is constantly putting other Dominants down, he is always right the other dominants have no idea what they are talking about. He is controlling not in control.If he has profiles on social sites his name begins with Master.

The in control dominant. He carry’s himself in a authoritative manner, while in control, he never brags about who or what he is. He is fair, but strict, he imposes rules and guidelines, high on protocol. He is very communicative, he shows he truly cares. He never gives more than one can handle. While he respects his property’s  limits, he will continue to push.He like the Daddy Dom needs attention, he wants to know he is loved and cared for. He will open up some, but as with any dominant we all have trouble with that. We view that as a weakness. A submissive or slave will use at one time or another, with out even realizing it. He ins very much in control. When he speaks you can hear, when he touches you can feel. he will insure your needs are met. He places his property in a number one status as the Daddy dom. He has most of the traits of all of the above, with the exception of the Fake Dominant. He is also big on after care, he truly cherishes what he has collard and calls his own.

BDSM is a positive based relationship, it should be one without any abuse, mental or physical. He should put you at number one without question. Take care of you when you are sick. He wants you healthy, after all if you are sick, no play for the owner.

The Submissive or Slaves are very special, strong. They have the need to give and please, and in most cases will do without question. They only have one true need in life. That is to be loved for who they are.

Like those who are still looking, even I we will find the one who fits like a glove, someone we can grow with.

Much Love

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Vile